Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

Call VH-1. I'm having the best week ever.

Where to begin? I'll start with last weekend. I went to visit Chicago Paul and Bill in Chicago and see a lacrosse game. I love those guys! Paul and I actually flew out for a change (usually, we just stop in on our way back from whatever bizarre road trip we've conjured up). We flew out of Newark and everything went fairly well.

The first night we were there, we went to a sex shop in a very gay part of Chicago to buy some pasty glue for the girls in The Flaming Dames, an 80's hair band burlesque show that Chicago Paul is stage managing. Then we were off to dinner with Chicago Paul's girlfriend Madi (who is really cute and very cool) and the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. We then dropped Madi off and went to Paul's show.

We sat at the bar playing the Megatouch for a while. Then we had a seat. The show was freakin' hysterical. At one point, they picked a name out of a hat for someone to go back stage with the girls. Of course, they picked Paul's name (coincidence? hmmmmm...). After a lot of coaxing, he went backstage. A few minutes later he came out with lipstick all over his face, a bra hanging from his hat and a very frightened look on his face. He sat on a chair on stage while and extremely buxom chick sat on his lap while singing a song. She later got up and smacked what I'm guessing are her JJ sized breasts on his head. I laughed harder than my dad during the dinner scene in the Borat movie. I don't think he wants to admit it, but I think he had fun. If you happen to be in Chicago, you really should check out the show.

The next day we took a ride to Northwestern's campus and had pizza for lunch. We went back to Chicago Paul's apartment and watched Shaun of the Dead because I had never seen it before. After that, the two Pauls and I went to the Wings/Shamrox game (Bill blew us off and didn't go. He sucks. ). The Wings lost ugly, which really pissed me off because that was really the only thing they had to win to make the playoffs. We found some other Wings fans that we knew, Rachel and Sheryl. We all went back to the post-game party, but it was lame and we left shortly after the players arrived.

We went back to Chicago Paul's apartment. Bill came out of hiding. Bill is one of two people that I have ever met who has insomnia that rivals my own. The two of us in a room together at a dark hour created a sick, synergistic effect. We ended up staying up all night swapping stories of love, pain and retail stupidity until the sun was up, the birds were chirping and I had to get ready to catch my flight back home. The flight was delayed a bit due to weather. And when we got to Newark, some roads were flooded. But we thanked our lucky stars that we weren't flying into Philly because we would have never have been allowed to land.

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After catching up on sleep Monday and Tuesday, I worked in Philly on Wednesday. After work, I picked up my cap and gown for graduation and bought a frame for my massive diploma. I then made my way to the Cheesecake Factory and had dinner with Brenda and her husband Matt. This was the first time I met Matt since I was unable to make it to her wedding reception. She is ready to give birth in just a few weeks and is just the cutest little beach ball smuggling thing ever.

Thursday, I found myself in Delaware. I usually hate Delaware, but this trip turned out to be kind of fun. My company has a rather large facility there where I usually set up my laptop in a conference room away from the rest of the branch upstairs. It just so happened that Dan, our regional trainer, was actually in his office upstairs this week and kept me company for most of the day. I get the distinct feeling that Dan is lonely in that office since he is up there by himself and was happy to have someone to talk to all day. Appreciatively, he took me out for lunch. When I got in his truck, I ragged on him that he actually lives in his Dodge Durango. In the truck, he had a bed frame, several pairs of shoes and a stick of deodorant.

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Friday night, I went to a sex toy party. I think if I ever want a little side job, I found my calling as a sales rep (demonstrator?) for home parties. The chick who ran this thing was a riot - very bold and blunt. She sounded like a cross between Beavis and Butthead's health teacher (Remember the episode where they were forbidden to laugh? Then their teacher got in their faces and started saying things like, "Today we're going to be talking about the PENIS! And the VAGINA! And we're going to be spending a lot of time on MASTURBATION!") and that guy on the home shopping channel late at night who peddles Beanie Babies and baseball cards. My favorite quotations yelled throughout the night:

"Ladies! This Coochie Cream is perfect for shaving. Your man can use it too! He can use it on his face or HIS BALLS!!!"

"Ladies! If you're into ANAL SEX and WATER SPORTS - this is the LUBE FOR YOU!!"

"Ladies! You have to pull anal beads out of his ass SLOWLY! Do not tug on them like the chord on your lawn mower!"

"Just remember, Erection Cream is NOT edible! DICKALICIOUS is!!!"

That's right. It was actually someone's job to come up with a product name for Dickalicious. I'm fairly certain that the guy who named Erection Cream was fired. But probably the most amusing product name in the catalog of dildos and dirty things was a packet of four creams called Eat Me Completely.

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Yesterday was Brenda's baby shower. A bunch of my friends from college all came into town. The guys went off to a bar and met up with us after the shower. We played cards and went out to dinner. Then Taco came back to my house and we hung out here and stayed up way too late watching the Facts of Life. I took her back to the bus stop early this morning so she could make it to the Mets game this afternoon. That's why I'm awake. It was well worth it, though. I love when my college friends are in town.

Oooh! And I found an entertaining book, although I only have a few pages left since it's a pretty quick, easy read. It's a stripper's memoir. I love her funny writing style. And she's a Pixies fan. Check it out.

Book suggestions, please!

I went to Barnes and Noble the other day. For the first time ever, I found absolutely nothing interesting. Usually, I'm walking out with three or four books in hand because I can never decide which is most interesting and I'm afraid that I will forget the titles if I wait to buy them later.

So give me something good. What's interesting?

Here is what I'm sick of:

Chick lit - I've read the Devil Wears Prada and a few Jennifer Weiners books. I enjoyed them, but they make me feel like an airhead.

Political and historical stuff - This is the other end of the spectrum. I want to stay entertained and not get depressed over mankind in general.

Beat stuff - I'm just burned out on this genre

Books about or by musicians - I've read too many of them as of late. I need something new.

I hate mysteries, historical pieces, "the classics" that I was supposed to read in high school (I mean really, if I wanted to read them, I would have when I was supposed to. I'm not going to do it now on my free time) and any of your mass marketed Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Jackie Collins, Daniel Steel, X of for Xenophobia type crap.

Don't even mention the Da Vinci Code.

I like:

Weird books - Think Douglas Coupland.

Books about people on drugs - I don't know why, but I'm always fascinated by these.

Underdog/misfit stories

Anything ironic or satirical

A good story that's just hard to classify as anything other than "fiction."

I just want something cool, interesting and different. Suggestions?