I got to ride in the back of a police car today

It's been a very long day.

I worked in Philly today. This usually means getting up at a very early hour to beat traffic and be there sometime between 7 and 8 am and then working until 5 pm or so.

I've been trying to figure out the best way to beat traffic on the way home. For the last three years, I would typically go to class after work. By the time class was over, the traffic was not nearly as bad as it is between the hours of 5 and 6 pm.

Tonight, I tried the turnpike. And while I didn't really find myself in too many bad jams (save for the congestion actually getting on the turnpike), I found myself taking forever getting home. Not even driving and a mild rate of 80ish mph helped.

By the time I got off the turnpike and I-176 (which, I'm not really sure how it qualifies to be an interstate. As far as I know, it's only in PA) and into the Reading area, I was already bitchy about not being home yet.

As I pondered what way I would try next time I worked in the city, I got into the passing lane to pass a truck. Unfortunately, in a blind spot created by said truck, there was some sort of large metal object in the middle of the road. I didn't have enough time to avoid it and hit it. I immediately knew at least one of my tires would be done. I drove for about another half mile and I heard the unmistakable noise of my tire flattening. The car wavered a bit, so I pulled off immediately.

Unfortunately, there was no good place to pull off with barely a shoulder to the road. I waited for traffic to stop a little, quickly got out, checked it, kicked it and got back in. That's about when I went into the shock.

I had no clue where I was.

Granted, I drive on this road several times per month. I should have known. But it's so automatic for me to go anymore, that I wasn't sure exactly which road I was on or which exit I had just passed. There wasn't a mile marker in sight. Ahead, I could see an exit sign, so I was able to roughly figure it out. But I had no idea if I was going east or west. I frantically tried to call Paul to see if he'd be able to tell me, but I couldn't reach him in the office, on his cell or at home. I freaked.

I called AAA and explained the situation, that I was afraid to even open my door and there was no way in hell anyone would be able to actually change the tire where the car was. They said they'd send someone and suggested that I call 911.

Now, before you lecture me on why I should have called 911 first, let me tell you that the last time something like that happened I got totally screwed by the tow truck driver that the police called. I wasn't about to go through that again. I've had some really bad luck with weird tow truck drivers. But that's another blog for another day.

911 dispatchers are total power tripping assholes. I feel comfortable saying this as I've known many over the years. The one I spoke with tonight was no exception. As most of you know, I speak very quickly. I'm sure she mistook it for panic and interrupted me with a "Ma'am? MAAAAA'AM?!?!?!" to ask a question rather than listening to what I was telling her. It came as no surprise to me when someone from the police station had to call back and ask for my location again.

I waited and watched the traffic come way too close too quickly to my car. I finally reached Paul and freaked. Bad. I was so bothered that I neglected to answer the phone when he tried to call me back after I hung up screaming and freaking. See how you fucking like it, Bub!

But Goddamn if they didn't send me a hot looking cop!

By this point, I had crawled over to the passenger side of the car as I was afraid of getting sideswiped by cars going 75 mph while I sat in the driver's seat. Officer McHotStuff (and you know I'm not exaggerating because the whole uniform thing typically does nothing for me...especially when it comes to the fuzz) looked at me and said, "I think I'm going to get you out of there because if someone runs into me and then hits you, we're both going for a wild ride." Ooh yeah! A wild ride with Officer McHotstuff!

Um...where was I?

Oh yeah. He helped me get out of the car and then called AAA for me again to give them a little push to get to me quicker. They were there within five minutes. The tow truck driver said he'd have to tow me to a safe place and then change the tire. Fine. That's what my AAA is for.

Unfortunately, he had no clue how to turn my car on because of the smart key system. When he asked for the key and I handed him my FOB, he just gave me a look like I was out of my forking mind. I told him to push the power button, but forgot to tell him to push the break while doing it. Oopsy! I take these things for granted.

The tow truck driver had someone else in the truck with him, so he asked Officer McHotStuff to give me a ride to a parking lot just off the next exit. Officer McHotStuff helped me back over the guardrail.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to ride in the back," he told me.

Not a problem. It just made the story more interesting.

We chatted some more about the car. I told him that I didn't mean to cause such a problem, but there was nowhere else for me to really pull over. He told me it wasn't a problem and that it wasn't my fault.

"Well, at least I can tell everyone that I got to ride in the back of a cop car," I joked. Then we laughed about how the tow truck driver was so far away from us that he probably stole me car. Who says cops have no sense of humor?

We went to the lot at a nearby school. This adorable old security guard (think Jimmy Kimmel's Uncle Frank) talked to me about my car. Officer McHotStuff also seemed very curious about it, asking about mpg type stuff. The tow truck drivers were amazed. Everyone was so nice to me and my little car.

Before I knew it, my donut was on and I had waved good-bye to the kind gentlemen who helped me. Paul met up with me so I didn't have to drive the car the whole way home.

Now I'm tired. Like I said, it's been a long day.

The folks at XM radio can lick me where I pee

I haven't really used XM much. I got it primarily for Opie and Anthony and then they started broadcasting on terrestrial radio anyway. My XM receiver didn't really work in my house and I never really bothered to install it in my car. On occasion, I might listen to it on the computer, but really I'd forget that it was even an option for the most part. I haven't really listened to it for months.

So then, XM suspended Opie and Anthony. Buh? It's a subscription service. I paid and subscribed specifically for this. I sent an angry message that I don't want to renew my subscription.

Today, I received a letter from the kind folks at XM stating that they would automatically renew my subscription and charge my credit card in the next few weeks. I hate when companies do this.

I called to cancel and waited for 15 minutes before someone took my call. I explained that I was canceling because I hardly used the service. I also admitted that I really don't support censorship of any kind, especially when I'm paying for the service and that this was my boycott. The woman I spoke with said that she'd connect me to someone who would cancel my service right away. I waited on the phone like a douche for five minutes before I heard a busy signal. The phone was disconnected.

I called back, seething. This time I waited for 20 minutes before someone spoke to me. I explained how angry I was, but stayed calm. I didn't swear (I know, hard to believe), but I did happen to call the operator "Sweetheart."

"I'm really sorry to hear that you're canceling your subscription," the rep said.

"Are you?" I replied dryly. "Will you be up all night worrying about what I plan to listen to without your service? Just connect me to your cancellation department, please."

I waited for a few more minutes only to discover that I had been hung up on a second time!

I called a third time and waited once again. When the third representative answered I immediately asked for a supervisor. I explained what had happened. The supervisor eventually made her way onto the phone. She threw an offer at me for $77 for the year, roughly half the price of a regular annual subscription. I politely declined. I explained that after the service I just received, I had no interest in giving their company any business at all. I said that I hardly used the service and since I specifically subscribed for a program that had been suspended I had no use for them. I don't support censorship.

She told me that it was only temporary. I said I didn't care. She said that the company hadn't suspended them for what was said, rather they asked them not to discuss the issue anymore.

I cut her off. "Asking someone not to say something IS censorship. I have no interest in your politics, ma'am. I just want to cancel my service and be rid of you. Now will you please do it?"

And finally she did. Bleh. I can't believe how ballsy they are. If I don't want to pay for something, I shouldn't have to waste an hour and a half of my life to get out of it and then get an argument after really shitty service. For fuck's sake, just let me go. This whole experience didn't win me over. It just made it worse.