This is your life

Dear Anastasia,

I'm writing this blog for you. There are so many things I want to share with you but you are only six months old and don't understand what I'm saying. Someday you will. I hope this blog will help you understand the world as well as where you came from and maybe shape who you will become.

Let me start by telling you the story of your life so far. Once upon a time, your father and I met, fell in love, got married and traveled the world. Your daddy is an accountant who can be a little rigid and set in his mind as many people of German heritage can be. I like to think of myself as more of a partier/rocker, although deep down I'm really just as grounded as your dad. We both have MBAs and education is a strong value of ours. We are experiencers, going to concerts, new places and trying new things. We're also extremely liberal. These are things we hope you will value and cherish too.

Being liberal is what lead to your creation. You see, daddy was very excited about Barack Obama winning the Iowa caucus. He and I celebrated and two weeks later, on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I took a test that let me know that you were about to rock my little world.

Being pregnant with you had many ups and downs. For the first time since I was a teenager, I was able to get a good night's sleep. I have had bouts with insomnia all my life but I was so exhausted all the time while carrying you. I loved feeling you move around inside me. I liked to watch my tummy shift and move while you turned around. Your father thought it was creepy. We had a few scares. I had to go for an amnio. That means that a doctor stuck a big needle in my tummy to take some samples of the fluid that was protecting you. Unfortunately, the doctor totally botched it and I had to do it a second time. You were okay, though. And that was when we found out you were a girl. We were so happy. We really wanted a girl. I also had a seizure during my gestational diabetes test. No one really knows why. You also turned around the wrong way two weeks before you were supposed to be born. You later turned yourself back to where you were supposed to be right before the appointment I had to have you surgically removed from my body.

Toward the end of my pregnancy, my blood pressure was getting kind of high. You were a week late and the doctor decided that it was time for you to come out. After a breakfast of Egg McMuffins, your dad and I went into the hospital on a Tuesday morning. I spent most of the afternoon with strong contractions, two minutes apart lasting for a minute and a half each (that means only 30 seconds of "down time") but the nice doctors gave me something called an epidural that night and I slept very comfortably. I listened to your heartbeat through a series of probes and machines. The doctor seemed to have some trouble connecting a probe to your head. I should have known something was up then. Sometime around 2 am, I heard your heartbeat slow down. Before I even had a chance to call for help, there were several people in my hospital room tending to us. They stopped my contractions to give you a break. At 5 am, Dr. DeAngelis came into the room, told me that even though my body was doing everything it could to push you out, I was not making enough progress for you to come out. So they gave daddy scrubs and wheeled me into an operating room.

Your birth was the most surreal experience of my life. Your daddy walked into the operating room in his scrubs and I did not even recognize him until he put his hand on my shoulder. I was shaking. I tried not to but the nice doctor who turned up the epidural told me that there was no way I'd be able to control it because of my hormones. I was worried that the doctor would have a hard time taking you out of my tummy but before I knew it, I heard you cry. You were born on a Wednesday morning, a little after 6:00. The nurse brought you over to me to show me what you looked like. You were so small but still bigger than I expected you to be. I could not believe it when they said that you weighed over eight pounds. They wrapped you in blankets and your daddy brought you over to show me. But I couldn't really get a good look at you. Then they said that they were going to take us back to our hospital room and that I would have to hold you while they wheeled us out of the OR. I was scared and told them not to but they insisted. We went back to the room and bonded while I tried to feed you.

Later, they moved us to a different room where we stayed for the rest of the our time at the hospital. I was tired and thirsty. The medicine started to wear off and I almost threw up all over you. They took you to the nursery. Your dad and I napped. I had a very long and hard recovery from the operation. It took several weeks for me to be able to stand up without pain. It would break my heart when you would cry and I could not just jump up and take care of you. Your dad was there for this time. He took such good care of us both. I will always be very proud of the way handled everything.

We came home the Saturday after you were born. I was really sick of being in the hospital by then. People came to visit you and grandma even stayed with us for a few days to help out. Daddy took vacation time from work for a month and my leave was for three months. During that time, you and I would do things like watch the Trivial Pursuit game show at 4 am. I'd eat Pop Tarts and we'd take naps while the morning talk shows were on. I liked being home with you and cherished every second.

As the holidays approached, I knew I would have to return to work. It was hard for me to enjoy them because of this. You and I had just settled into a routine. You were also just starting to do cute things like smile and laugh. I cried every day for the last two weeks of our time together. The morning I went back to work, your daddy brought grandma over to our house to watch you for the day. I left the house in tears because I knew how much I would miss you. I came home to see you during my lunch break and before I knew it, the day was over. We took grandma home and I played with you for the rest of the night.

In a few days, you will be six months old. You are beautiful and healthy. You giggle and smile for your dad and me all the time. You love your grandpa and grandma, too. You're not too keen on being around other people. You get that from me. Your eyes are blue and usually a little crusty. Your doctor says you have a blocked tear duct. I hope it clears up. Your hair is a dark blond color with a little bit of red when the light hits it. You like to play on your bouncy chair and your play mat. You hate cereal and fruit. You suck your thumb but only when you are calming yourself down and going to sleep. Sometimes I love you so much it hurts. When your Nana went to heaven, your Gramps told me that she loved me in a way that I would never understand until I had kids of my own. Now I know what he meant.