I always thought that 30 was this magical age where you were suddenly grown up and had all this wisdom. Now that I'm here, I know that's a bunch of bullshit. But I'm going to share a bunch of things that I've learned over the years anyway.
*Always wear a beige bra under a white shirt.
*The people you love the most will be the ones that hurt you the worst because you tend to expect better things from them.
*Everyone in your life will teach you something.
*It sometimes takes years for guilt to show up. And when it catches up to you, you can't take anything back.
*The key to getting what you want from someone else is to make it as easy as possible for them to give it to you.
*If you find a snake run over on the side of the road and you nurse it back to health and give it a home, it will still bite you in the end. A snake will always be a snake. It's just his nature.
*If he cheated WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.
*There will always be people who are smarter, prettier, richer, whatever. But that doesn't take away from what you have.
*No matter how bad your day has been, someone else has it worse.
*If you value someone's presence in your life, even if they wronged you, forgive them. Life's too short.
*Always be proactive when apologizing. If the other person has to confront you, it places a double burden on them because, not only have they been wronged, but now they have to confront the issue alone.
*Don't drive a Ford Escort onto a beach on the Northern part of the Pacific Ocean. And be careful how close you get to the water, especially in late October.
*Two words - go deep
*Sometimes you catch more flies with honey. But who wants flies anyway? Idle threats can work too.
*Just because you hate people, that doesn't mean you can't love gatherings.
*If a man tells you he has a small penis, he is probably telling the truth.
*The lyrics are: "Vacation all I ever wanted/Vacation had to get away/Vacation meant to be spent alone," "Annie are you ok? Are you ok? Are you ok Annie?" and "Soy un perdedor/I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"
*Some of the greatest triumphs stem from the biggest disappointments.
*Gray vagina is is a condition where the "lips" get looser and start to loose color as estrogen production is less after menopause. And people try to sell creams to prevent this.
*Hall and Oats is a band that consists of Darryl Hall and John Oats. They had many hit songs in the 70's and 80's such as "Private Eyes" and "Rich Girl."
*Loving someone who doesn't love you back is as productive as nailing jello to a wall. Move on!
*Don't take pictures in the red light district. Your camera will end up in the Amstel river.
*Bob Dylan sucks live.
*Make sure your car is in park before exiting it.
*Dawn dish detergent and Formula 409 will get most stains out of anything, especially when combined.
*If you don't have time to do something right the first time, chances are you will not have time to go back and correct it later.
*Never buy a car that is a weird color or put anything on your car that will help others distinguish it is yours. You never know when you will be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
*Conversely, always do something to your luggage to distinguish that it is yours so that no one mistakenly walks away with it.
*If somone really pisses you off, the best revenge is to steal one of their shoes. What will you do with it? The same thing they will.
*Always make sure that people know exactly how much of an impact they have on your life.
And with that note, I love you all!
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