How to recognize them: They watch your every move as a parent. They don’t care what seems to work for you and your child. They feel their experiences are the absolute end all be all of parenting and that’s how it should be. No one else’s opinion matters. They are right. You are clearly wrong.
Frequently heard saying: “You shouldn’t feed your baby so much. You don’t want her to be fat.”
“She’s not hungry. She just wants to suck on something.”
“You can’t just shove a bottle in her mouth every time she fusses.”
Why they bug: Nothing burns my ass more than people who criticize, ignore and sometimes outright undermine my parental judgments and orders. I'm the one with the permanent scars from giving birth. That makes me the boss, not you. Watch me shove a bottle in her mouth when she cries. She IS hungry, asshole. That’s the only time she cries. If she just wanted to suck or chew, she’d take a pacifier. But she spits it out because nothing comes out of it. She’s a growing baby. You can’t just starve her. You never even bothered to ask how much she eats in a given day. My pediatrician is not concerned about her weight. He is a well-educated medical expert. If he doesn’t care, neither should you. She's eating breastmilk, not Big Macs. And why should I take your advice when all your five year old eats is hot dog rolls?
Their retort: “Well, I guess you know best…”
My response: You bet your fat stupid ass I know best what is right for my child. Shut up and worry about your own kids.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
A Sappy Open Letter To My Daughter On Her Second Birthday
Dear Anastasia,
I can’t believe you are two years old today. It’s not possible. It feels like your father and I brought you home from the hospital 20 years ago. I’m getting gray hair and bags under my eyes from not sleeping. Your mommy is aging rapidly thanks to you and your sister.
All joking aside, you’ve been the light of my world for these last two years. I never really imagined myself to be the mommy type but you have made it enjoyable.
You were an early talker and a late walker. This would have been fine except you were a really late walker and needed physical therapy for your weak joints and low muscle tone. Watching your strength develop and taking your first steps has been amazing. You are now running and climbing and doing everything a two year old is supposed to be doing, including getting away from me on the playground and getting hurt, leading to bumps on your head and more even gray hair on mine.
Something new comes out of your mouth everyday that makes me laugh. I love that you talked early because you never have a problem telling me exactly what you want (rather than running away from me to go get it). I hope you carry that on throughout your life and you’re never afraid to say what you want or what is on your mind. Today you were carrying your toy car around rather than riding it. When I asked what you were doing, you looked right at me sighed and said, “It’s heavy.” I’m still not convinced that you can’t read. I know sometimes you have your books memorized, but I’m almost positive that you sometimes recognize the words as well.
You have been the best big sister you could possibly be. I have to admit, I was a little scared that you would be jealous of your sister or be mean to her. So far, so good. Please don’t make a liar out of me. Your sister will need you to watch out for her. And I have a feeling she will watch out for you too. Be nice to her. Share your toys. Share clothes. And don’t steal each other’s boyfriends. It’s so important to me that you like each other and get along forever. I know you’ll fight sometimes. But please make up quickly.
You have changed me so much. I’m much more laid back now. I don’t get stressed as easily. My priorities have shifted. You and your sister are the most important things in my life.
This next year will bring us potty training. I’m a little worried about that one but you are already showing signs that you are interested and ready. I’m just not so sure that I am.
I can’t wait to see who you will become. You have such a strong personality already. Don’t be a brat. I love you to the moon and back. You mean the world to me.
Love,
Your Mommy
I can’t believe you are two years old today. It’s not possible. It feels like your father and I brought you home from the hospital 20 years ago. I’m getting gray hair and bags under my eyes from not sleeping. Your mommy is aging rapidly thanks to you and your sister.
All joking aside, you’ve been the light of my world for these last two years. I never really imagined myself to be the mommy type but you have made it enjoyable.
You were an early talker and a late walker. This would have been fine except you were a really late walker and needed physical therapy for your weak joints and low muscle tone. Watching your strength develop and taking your first steps has been amazing. You are now running and climbing and doing everything a two year old is supposed to be doing, including getting away from me on the playground and getting hurt, leading to bumps on your head and more even gray hair on mine.
Something new comes out of your mouth everyday that makes me laugh. I love that you talked early because you never have a problem telling me exactly what you want (rather than running away from me to go get it). I hope you carry that on throughout your life and you’re never afraid to say what you want or what is on your mind. Today you were carrying your toy car around rather than riding it. When I asked what you were doing, you looked right at me sighed and said, “It’s heavy.” I’m still not convinced that you can’t read. I know sometimes you have your books memorized, but I’m almost positive that you sometimes recognize the words as well.
You have been the best big sister you could possibly be. I have to admit, I was a little scared that you would be jealous of your sister or be mean to her. So far, so good. Please don’t make a liar out of me. Your sister will need you to watch out for her. And I have a feeling she will watch out for you too. Be nice to her. Share your toys. Share clothes. And don’t steal each other’s boyfriends. It’s so important to me that you like each other and get along forever. I know you’ll fight sometimes. But please make up quickly.
You have changed me so much. I’m much more laid back now. I don’t get stressed as easily. My priorities have shifted. You and your sister are the most important things in my life.
This next year will bring us potty training. I’m a little worried about that one but you are already showing signs that you are interested and ready. I’m just not so sure that I am.
I can’t wait to see who you will become. You have such a strong personality already. Don’t be a brat. I love you to the moon and back. You mean the world to me.
Love,
Your Mommy
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sunny Days Sweeping The Clouds Away (A Sesame Place Review)
If you’ve ever met my daughter Stasi, you would know that she is obsessed with Sesame Street, much like John Hinkley Jr. was obsessed with Jodi Foster. Fortunately, we live only slightly over an hour away from Sesame Place. We decided to take her there as her first amusement park trip.
Stasi, who is not quite two, can be a little unpredictable in public. At times, she can be a bit whiney and bratty. Other times, she is bubbly, excited and cute. And sometimes she is a little bit of both. We committed to only a few hours because we weren’t quite sure how she was going to deal.
When we got there, we decided to spring an extra three dollars for VIP parking. This was probably not necessary as there is regular parking for $15 just across the street that was not all that much farther away. We noticed right away that the landscaping was trimmed and planted in the shape of Sesame Street characters. Very cool!
I had already purchased our tickets online before entering. The cost to get into Sesame Place is $53 for everyone over the age of two. The pass is good for two days that don’t necessarily have to be consecutive. I found a discount via AAA. There are also other various coupons available online and through other businesses. We brought a backpack, which contained juice for Stasi. Next time, we will likely bring water as well. After a guard searched the pack and we hit the somewhat crowded bathrooms outside of the gates, we went in.
We were directed by the greeter who took our tickets to a stand that was giving bags to the kids to trick or treat at various points in the park. There were clues that lead to each stand but we didn’t really pay attention to them. Rather, we just collected the candy as we saw the stands. The greeter neglected to tell us where we could get a map of where everything was. We spent the first couple hours orienting ourselves to the layout of the park.
It’s not a huge park. Half of it seems to be water rides, which we have little interest in. It was a hot day, despite already being fall. Many, but not all, of the water rides were still running. Instead, we tried to focus on some of the Halloween activities. We also walked through a small section of the park that is a replica of the Sesame Street set. I intended to get pictures of Stasi sitting on the infamous doorstep, but never got around to it. We were either too busy trying to figure out where things were or tired and ready to leave.
I took Stasi into The Count’s Halloween maze and got lost. Amid the twists and turns, there was a talking Jack O’lantern named Merlin who interacted with the crowd. After watching him for a little from the back of a group of people, we continued. I erroneously thought the curtained exit was another dead end. Knowing that we were limited on time, and that Stasi had decided that she no longer wanted to walk, leaving me to carry her, I panicked a little. Then I followed some other people around until they left. When we came out, The Count was waiting at the end. We got in line to get Stasi’s picture taken with him. She did not look at the camera, though. We found a few other characters in our travels, too. She didn't look at the camera with them, either.
We noticed that people abandon their strollers and other belongings at the rides, shows and at the Dine With Me hall. I was a little leary of this at first but everyone does it. I kept all of my important belongings in my pocket (money, camera, etc.) but no one messed with my backpack anyway. I found this to be kind of amazing. There are also lockers available for other cynics. I do suggest putting a ribbon and a tag with your contact info on your stroller just in case someone mistakenly takes the wrong one.
We made reservations prior to our visit to have lunch with the characters. This was a great opportunity for Stasi to get to meet the characters without spending time in line. The characters all came to the tables, except for Elmo. You had to go to him for a picture, which cost $20. I look like hell in that picture. Stasi also does not look as happy as she really was. We had a hard time dragging her away from him really. The lunch was a buffet. It was okay, similar to what you would expect at a high school cafeteria. There were hotdogs, chicken, mac and cheese, among other things along with cookies for dessert. The food wasn’t amazing but it wasn’t horrible, either. The cost of dining is $25 per adult. Children ages two and up are at a lower cost but I’m not sure what it was as Stasi was free. The characters also performed some songs. It was entertaining and worth it overall, given the cost of food at amusement parks.
Next, we found maps at the information stand near the gate and less crowded bathrooms near one of the water rides that was not in use. Then we were off to Elmo’s World Live. They suggest getting there a half hour before show time. We waited in line for a while and it was fairly crowded. In line, they showed episodes of Elmo’s world for the kids. We were finally seated on bleachers in a small auditorium for Elmo’s Halloween themed show. Stasi seemed to love it. When it was time to leave, she said, “Bye Elmo’s World! See you later, Elmo’s World!”
We left and it was finally time for some rides. We made the carousel our first priority. At first, she cried. But once it started moving, she started to laugh and really enjoyed herself. We decided to hit the rides in the Elmo’s World section next. She went on The Flying Fish with Paul because stuff that goes around in a circle tends to make me sick. Then we hit teacups and finally the flying birdcages.
We hit two of the shops. Because Paul couldn’t make up his mind and left it for Stasi to decide, we bought her both a stuffed Oscar and a stuffed Snuffalufagus. I also bought her a sweatshirt and a Big Bird onesie for my other daughter who was too little to make the trip.
We also wanted to get drinks for the ride home. The food places are all indoors so we decided to hit a snack stand instead. As we approached the first one, the vendor told us that the stand was closed. We got in line at another stand nearby, which had a long line. By the time it was our turn the first stand had reopened. The vendor really shouldn’t take his break inside the stand. They should at least send someone to relieve him. We were hot, tired and frustrated. And that was not a good way to end our day. Still, aside of having to wait to be seated for the show, that was really my only complaint. We got these gigantic character cups (which I believe are refillable at a discount). I noticed while we were waiting in line that the soft pretzels are shaped like Elmo’s head.
In an effort to hit all the rides before Stasi pooped out on us, we skipped the parade. Sesame Place will be retiring this version of the parade by the end of this season with plans to revamp it in 2011. I’m hoping we get to go again before the end of October to use the second part of our pass.
Stasi, who is not quite two, can be a little unpredictable in public. At times, she can be a bit whiney and bratty. Other times, she is bubbly, excited and cute. And sometimes she is a little bit of both. We committed to only a few hours because we weren’t quite sure how she was going to deal.
When we got there, we decided to spring an extra three dollars for VIP parking. This was probably not necessary as there is regular parking for $15 just across the street that was not all that much farther away. We noticed right away that the landscaping was trimmed and planted in the shape of Sesame Street characters. Very cool!
I had already purchased our tickets online before entering. The cost to get into Sesame Place is $53 for everyone over the age of two. The pass is good for two days that don’t necessarily have to be consecutive. I found a discount via AAA. There are also other various coupons available online and through other businesses. We brought a backpack, which contained juice for Stasi. Next time, we will likely bring water as well. After a guard searched the pack and we hit the somewhat crowded bathrooms outside of the gates, we went in.
We were directed by the greeter who took our tickets to a stand that was giving bags to the kids to trick or treat at various points in the park. There were clues that lead to each stand but we didn’t really pay attention to them. Rather, we just collected the candy as we saw the stands. The greeter neglected to tell us where we could get a map of where everything was. We spent the first couple hours orienting ourselves to the layout of the park.
It’s not a huge park. Half of it seems to be water rides, which we have little interest in. It was a hot day, despite already being fall. Many, but not all, of the water rides were still running. Instead, we tried to focus on some of the Halloween activities. We also walked through a small section of the park that is a replica of the Sesame Street set. I intended to get pictures of Stasi sitting on the infamous doorstep, but never got around to it. We were either too busy trying to figure out where things were or tired and ready to leave.
I took Stasi into The Count’s Halloween maze and got lost. Amid the twists and turns, there was a talking Jack O’lantern named Merlin who interacted with the crowd. After watching him for a little from the back of a group of people, we continued. I erroneously thought the curtained exit was another dead end. Knowing that we were limited on time, and that Stasi had decided that she no longer wanted to walk, leaving me to carry her, I panicked a little. Then I followed some other people around until they left. When we came out, The Count was waiting at the end. We got in line to get Stasi’s picture taken with him. She did not look at the camera, though. We found a few other characters in our travels, too. She didn't look at the camera with them, either.
We noticed that people abandon their strollers and other belongings at the rides, shows and at the Dine With Me hall. I was a little leary of this at first but everyone does it. I kept all of my important belongings in my pocket (money, camera, etc.) but no one messed with my backpack anyway. I found this to be kind of amazing. There are also lockers available for other cynics. I do suggest putting a ribbon and a tag with your contact info on your stroller just in case someone mistakenly takes the wrong one.
We made reservations prior to our visit to have lunch with the characters. This was a great opportunity for Stasi to get to meet the characters without spending time in line. The characters all came to the tables, except for Elmo. You had to go to him for a picture, which cost $20. I look like hell in that picture. Stasi also does not look as happy as she really was. We had a hard time dragging her away from him really. The lunch was a buffet. It was okay, similar to what you would expect at a high school cafeteria. There were hotdogs, chicken, mac and cheese, among other things along with cookies for dessert. The food wasn’t amazing but it wasn’t horrible, either. The cost of dining is $25 per adult. Children ages two and up are at a lower cost but I’m not sure what it was as Stasi was free. The characters also performed some songs. It was entertaining and worth it overall, given the cost of food at amusement parks.
Next, we found maps at the information stand near the gate and less crowded bathrooms near one of the water rides that was not in use. Then we were off to Elmo’s World Live. They suggest getting there a half hour before show time. We waited in line for a while and it was fairly crowded. In line, they showed episodes of Elmo’s world for the kids. We were finally seated on bleachers in a small auditorium for Elmo’s Halloween themed show. Stasi seemed to love it. When it was time to leave, she said, “Bye Elmo’s World! See you later, Elmo’s World!”
We left and it was finally time for some rides. We made the carousel our first priority. At first, she cried. But once it started moving, she started to laugh and really enjoyed herself. We decided to hit the rides in the Elmo’s World section next. She went on The Flying Fish with Paul because stuff that goes around in a circle tends to make me sick. Then we hit teacups and finally the flying birdcages.
We hit two of the shops. Because Paul couldn’t make up his mind and left it for Stasi to decide, we bought her both a stuffed Oscar and a stuffed Snuffalufagus. I also bought her a sweatshirt and a Big Bird onesie for my other daughter who was too little to make the trip.
We also wanted to get drinks for the ride home. The food places are all indoors so we decided to hit a snack stand instead. As we approached the first one, the vendor told us that the stand was closed. We got in line at another stand nearby, which had a long line. By the time it was our turn the first stand had reopened. The vendor really shouldn’t take his break inside the stand. They should at least send someone to relieve him. We were hot, tired and frustrated. And that was not a good way to end our day. Still, aside of having to wait to be seated for the show, that was really my only complaint. We got these gigantic character cups (which I believe are refillable at a discount). I noticed while we were waiting in line that the soft pretzels are shaped like Elmo’s head.
In an effort to hit all the rides before Stasi pooped out on us, we skipped the parade. Sesame Place will be retiring this version of the parade by the end of this season with plans to revamp it in 2011. I’m hoping we get to go again before the end of October to use the second part of our pass.
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