I Think I Met a Culty on 06/06/06

A few weeks ago, I had a really bad experience at the ghetto Office Max. Okay, it's not really in the ghetto, but let's just say this Office Max isn't nearly as nice as the two other Office Max stores that are all within 10 miles of each other. At the ghetto Office Max, I experienced really poor service when I was trying to buy a chair for my computer desk. I took the little paper slip to the counter. A guy went back to their warehouse to look for my chair, but never took the slip with him. Then he called up front and said he couldn't find the chair and I should probably come back a few days later. I just went to another Office Max and bought the chair there instead.

Today, I went a little out of my way to the newest of the three Office Max stores to buy a new chair for my office since my boss broke my chair last week. No, she's not fat! She was trying to fix it for me. Sheesh! Anyway, I was barely in the furniture section before a tall, creepy looking blonde guy (who, in my mind, I nicknamed Skip because he just looked like a Skip) practically jumped on my back trying to sell me a chair. "Is this for an 8 hour job?" No, 10. "Arm rests? Wheels?" Both, please. No, that one's back is too low. I don't want a gray one...

This continued for a few minutes when Skip showed me this ugly ergonomic mess that seemed to move with me with every motion. "Mmmmm...I don't think so. I feel like a quadriplegic," I said, since it reminded me of that thing they used to wheel Christopher Reeve around in. I giggled about that, but it didn't really seem to phase Skip at all.

Side note: I know. I'm not supposed to make fun of the handicapped. But for those of you who don't know, the handicap jokes in my family were very common because my mom had very severe Multiple Sclerosis and an excellent sense of humor. Heck, her jokes were usually the funniest ones. I guess sometimes I forget that some people take things more seriously. But really these people should lighten the fuck up.

Skip had the same look in his eye like my cat used to have when he was a kitten and wanted to run up my leg. He was so determined! I had forgotten that this was the Office Max with the poor selection of chairs and felt a bit trapped. "I'll go get you the big catalogue! We're going to find you a chair today! Even if we have to order one!" I'm not kidding. He was that freakin' excited. I glanced down to see if his pants were wet.

Wanting to crush this guy's spirit (since I truly believe that's my life's mission...crushing the hopes of the perky), I said, "Well, I don't know. Maybe I should check in with my office and see what my budget is on this..." It didn't matter what I was talking about. I could have said, "Skip, this quadriplegic chair is turning me on! I want to handcuff you to it and give you a lap dance! Right here! In the middle of the store!" Skip would not have heard a word I said. He was so fucking hell bent on selling me a chair. I pushed the books away from him. If I was going to buy a chair without trying it out first, I would have ordered it from the internet and avoided his perky ass.

"Well, there's one more up front that maybe you'd like, but I don't know if it's enough for you." He seemed to be toning down a bit. He really really wanted me to look at the glossy pages of the catalogue. Turns out the chair up front was almost the same chair that I'm sitting on at home right now. I told him this and he said, "But can you take it for 10 hours?" Oh can I, Skip! I told him I'm also a grad student and I've surely spent 10 hours in this chair at a time. He seemed disappointed. And it wasn't that it was a cheap chair. "Can I get you a floor mat?" No thanks, Skip. I prefer to wheel over the corpses of men who enjoy their lives a little too much. "Jose will take it to your car for you." Dejected, Skip scurried back to the back of the store where he belongs.

Ok. Who loves their job that freakin' much? Especially in retail! It almost made me miss the lack of service at the other Office Depot.

Well, I better get back to my new chair now. They seem to be tugging on the leash that's tied to it.

PS Happy National Day of Slayer!