Call VH-1. I'm having the best week ever.
Where to begin? I'll start with last weekend. I went to visit Chicago Paul and Bill in Chicago and see a lacrosse game. I love those guys! Paul and I actually flew out for a change (usually, we just stop in on our way back from whatever bizarre road trip we've conjured up). We flew out of Newark and everything went fairly well.
The first night we were there, we went to a sex shop in a very gay part of Chicago to buy some pasty glue for the girls in The Flaming Dames, an 80's hair band burlesque show that Chicago Paul is stage managing. Then we were off to dinner with Chicago Paul's girlfriend Madi (who is really cute and very cool) and the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. We then dropped Madi off and went to Paul's show.
We sat at the bar playing the Megatouch for a while. Then we had a seat. The show was freakin' hysterical. At one point, they picked a name out of a hat for someone to go back stage with the girls. Of course, they picked Paul's name (coincidence? hmmmmm...). After a lot of coaxing, he went backstage. A few minutes later he came out with lipstick all over his face, a bra hanging from his hat and a very frightened look on his face. He sat on a chair on stage while and extremely buxom chick sat on his lap while singing a song. She later got up and smacked what I'm guessing are her JJ sized breasts on his head. I laughed harder than my dad during the dinner scene in the Borat movie. I don't think he wants to admit it, but I think he had fun. If you happen to be in Chicago, you really should check out the show.
The next day we took a ride to Northwestern's campus and had pizza for lunch. We went back to Chicago Paul's apartment and watched Shaun of the Dead because I had never seen it before. After that, the two Pauls and I went to the Wings/Shamrox game (Bill blew us off and didn't go. He sucks. ). The Wings lost ugly, which really pissed me off because that was really the only thing they had to win to make the playoffs. We found some other Wings fans that we knew, Rachel and Sheryl. We all went back to the post-game party, but it was lame and we left shortly after the players arrived.
We went back to Chicago Paul's apartment. Bill came out of hiding. Bill is one of two people that I have ever met who has insomnia that rivals my own. The two of us in a room together at a dark hour created a sick, synergistic effect. We ended up staying up all night swapping stories of love, pain and retail stupidity until the sun was up, the birds were chirping and I had to get ready to catch my flight back home. The flight was delayed a bit due to weather. And when we got to Newark, some roads were flooded. But we thanked our lucky stars that we weren't flying into Philly because we would have never have been allowed to land.
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After catching up on sleep Monday and Tuesday, I worked in Philly on Wednesday. After work, I picked up my cap and gown for graduation and bought a frame for my massive diploma. I then made my way to the Cheesecake Factory and had dinner with Brenda and her husband Matt. This was the first time I met Matt since I was unable to make it to her wedding reception. She is ready to give birth in just a few weeks and is just the cutest little beach ball smuggling thing ever.
Thursday, I found myself in Delaware. I usually hate Delaware, but this trip turned out to be kind of fun. My company has a rather large facility there where I usually set up my laptop in a conference room away from the rest of the branch upstairs. It just so happened that Dan, our regional trainer, was actually in his office upstairs this week and kept me company for most of the day. I get the distinct feeling that Dan is lonely in that office since he is up there by himself and was happy to have someone to talk to all day. Appreciatively, he took me out for lunch. When I got in his truck, I ragged on him that he actually lives in his Dodge Durango. In the truck, he had a bed frame, several pairs of shoes and a stick of deodorant.
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Friday night, I went to a sex toy party. I think if I ever want a little side job, I found my calling as a sales rep (demonstrator?) for home parties. The chick who ran this thing was a riot - very bold and blunt. She sounded like a cross between Beavis and Butthead's health teacher (Remember the episode where they were forbidden to laugh? Then their teacher got in their faces and started saying things like, "Today we're going to be talking about the PENIS! And the VAGINA! And we're going to be spending a lot of time on MASTURBATION!") and that guy on the home shopping channel late at night who peddles Beanie Babies and baseball cards. My favorite quotations yelled throughout the night:
"Ladies! This Coochie Cream is perfect for shaving. Your man can use it too! He can use it on his face or HIS BALLS!!!"
"Ladies! If you're into ANAL SEX and WATER SPORTS - this is the LUBE FOR YOU!!"
"Ladies! You have to pull anal beads out of his ass SLOWLY! Do not tug on them like the chord on your lawn mower!"
"Just remember, Erection Cream is NOT edible! DICKALICIOUS is!!!"
That's right. It was actually someone's job to come up with a product name for Dickalicious. I'm fairly certain that the guy who named Erection Cream was fired. But probably the most amusing product name in the catalog of dildos and dirty things was a packet of four creams called Eat Me Completely.
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Yesterday was Brenda's baby shower. A bunch of my friends from college all came into town. The guys went off to a bar and met up with us after the shower. We played cards and went out to dinner. Then Taco came back to my house and we hung out here and stayed up way too late watching the Facts of Life. I took her back to the bus stop early this morning so she could make it to the Mets game this afternoon. That's why I'm awake. It was well worth it, though. I love when my college friends are in town.
Oooh! And I found an entertaining book, although I only have a few pages left since it's a pretty quick, easy read. It's a stripper's memoir. I love her funny writing style. And she's a Pixies fan. Check it out.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Book suggestions, please!
I went to Barnes and Noble the other day. For the first time ever, I found absolutely nothing interesting. Usually, I'm walking out with three or four books in hand because I can never decide which is most interesting and I'm afraid that I will forget the titles if I wait to buy them later.
So give me something good. What's interesting?
Here is what I'm sick of:
Chick lit - I've read the Devil Wears Prada and a few Jennifer Weiners books. I enjoyed them, but they make me feel like an airhead.
Political and historical stuff - This is the other end of the spectrum. I want to stay entertained and not get depressed over mankind in general.
Beat stuff - I'm just burned out on this genre
Books about or by musicians - I've read too many of them as of late. I need something new.
I hate mysteries, historical pieces, "the classics" that I was supposed to read in high school (I mean really, if I wanted to read them, I would have when I was supposed to. I'm not going to do it now on my free time) and any of your mass marketed Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Jackie Collins, Daniel Steel, X of for Xenophobia type crap.
Don't even mention the Da Vinci Code.
I like:
Weird books - Think Douglas Coupland.
Books about people on drugs - I don't know why, but I'm always fascinated by these.
Underdog/misfit stories
Anything ironic or satirical
A good story that's just hard to classify as anything other than "fiction."
I just want something cool, interesting and different. Suggestions?
So give me something good. What's interesting?
Here is what I'm sick of:
Chick lit - I've read the Devil Wears Prada and a few Jennifer Weiners books. I enjoyed them, but they make me feel like an airhead.
Political and historical stuff - This is the other end of the spectrum. I want to stay entertained and not get depressed over mankind in general.
Beat stuff - I'm just burned out on this genre
Books about or by musicians - I've read too many of them as of late. I need something new.
I hate mysteries, historical pieces, "the classics" that I was supposed to read in high school (I mean really, if I wanted to read them, I would have when I was supposed to. I'm not going to do it now on my free time) and any of your mass marketed Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Jackie Collins, Daniel Steel, X of for Xenophobia type crap.
Don't even mention the Da Vinci Code.
I like:
Weird books - Think Douglas Coupland.
Books about people on drugs - I don't know why, but I'm always fascinated by these.
Underdog/misfit stories
Anything ironic or satirical
A good story that's just hard to classify as anything other than "fiction."
I just want something cool, interesting and different. Suggestions?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
If it's just a lull, why am I bored right out of my skull?
At the risk of sounding like that guy who complains that his dick is too big, I feel the need to write about what's bothering me.
Nothingness.
I know this has been hard for some people to understand, but I've been in a bit of a funk as of late. This has nothing to do with anyone else. It's all on me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. People think I lead this charmed life, like I've managed to get everything I've ever wanted. And I suppose this is true. Granted, it's not all wine and roses. Work has been tough lately. I've also come to the realization that I hate living where I live. I mean, I love my house on its little street that projects the surreal image of a Tim Burton film (think Edward Scissorhands). And I can't beat my five minute commute to the office. I'm just not fond of the area where it's located. I don't belong here. I've met some good people and all, but this just doesn't feel like home to me.
All that aside, it's always been my mantra that you can have whatever you want in life, you just have to figure out how to get it and make the right moves and decisions along the way. The problem is, I've hit the wall. I don't know what to aspire to next. I need a new adventure and something to do with my free time.
I've discussed this with a few people. And I've compiled a list of what they've suggested. I'm open to other suggestions as well. Here it is.
1. "Why don't you write that fuckin' book already?"
This is a good one. Unfortunately, I've had some awful writer's block lately. Maybe I need a new desk or a change of atmosphere. But it's been hard to sit here and type anything. I'm not sure where to go after the first paragraph.
2. "You can help me with my Girl Scout troop."
No. Those little bitches are trying to make me fat with their cookies. Now someone please get these Tagalongs out of here before I eat the whole box.
3. "You can do some other sort of volunteer work."
This would require hardcore commitment to something. I just don't have it in me. I could see it turning into another full time job of sorts. I already work at least 50 hours per week. I just don't think I have the energy.
4. "You can start having kids."
Um, hellooooo?!??!? Did you read number three with the commitment and the energy?!?!? Please. Stop. I'm so sick of people saying this to me. I'm not ready. I'm nowhere near ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. Please remove what you think is your vested interested in my uterus. This is a funk and will probably pass in a few months. Children, on the other hand, are permanent.
5. "You can have an affair!"
Um, I'm not even sure where to begin with that one...
6. "You can play the triangle in my band."
Ok. This one is a joke.
7. "You can make jokes in your blog that only three other people will get."
I just did! Please see number six.
8. "It's time to start up that Monday night drinking club again."
Hmmmm...it's a possibility. I'm just not so sure it's in my best interest.
9. "Take another trip."
This is also a good one. But I can't help but wonder if that is what put me in my funk to begin with. I was really riding high when I came back from Hawaii. But now that I've been back for almost a month, I've hit a slump. The excitement has worn off and I'm here looking for the next thing to look forward to. There are places that I want to go. The problem is that most of them will require resources like time and money that I may not have enough of to do what I want.
10. "Get some exercise."
No one actually suggested this, at least not to my face. This came from me. I'm looking for a gym right now that has aerobics classes at an hour that I would actually be able to attend. Maybe a little endorphin therapy will help. For now, I will be a slave to the Xbox 360 DDR.
Hmmmm...video games...hadn't considered that one...
Nah.
Nothingness.
I know this has been hard for some people to understand, but I've been in a bit of a funk as of late. This has nothing to do with anyone else. It's all on me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. People think I lead this charmed life, like I've managed to get everything I've ever wanted. And I suppose this is true. Granted, it's not all wine and roses. Work has been tough lately. I've also come to the realization that I hate living where I live. I mean, I love my house on its little street that projects the surreal image of a Tim Burton film (think Edward Scissorhands). And I can't beat my five minute commute to the office. I'm just not fond of the area where it's located. I don't belong here. I've met some good people and all, but this just doesn't feel like home to me.
All that aside, it's always been my mantra that you can have whatever you want in life, you just have to figure out how to get it and make the right moves and decisions along the way. The problem is, I've hit the wall. I don't know what to aspire to next. I need a new adventure and something to do with my free time.
I've discussed this with a few people. And I've compiled a list of what they've suggested. I'm open to other suggestions as well. Here it is.
1. "Why don't you write that fuckin' book already?"
This is a good one. Unfortunately, I've had some awful writer's block lately. Maybe I need a new desk or a change of atmosphere. But it's been hard to sit here and type anything. I'm not sure where to go after the first paragraph.
2. "You can help me with my Girl Scout troop."
No. Those little bitches are trying to make me fat with their cookies. Now someone please get these Tagalongs out of here before I eat the whole box.
3. "You can do some other sort of volunteer work."
This would require hardcore commitment to something. I just don't have it in me. I could see it turning into another full time job of sorts. I already work at least 50 hours per week. I just don't think I have the energy.
4. "You can start having kids."
Um, hellooooo?!??!? Did you read number three with the commitment and the energy?!?!? Please. Stop. I'm so sick of people saying this to me. I'm not ready. I'm nowhere near ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. Please remove what you think is your vested interested in my uterus. This is a funk and will probably pass in a few months. Children, on the other hand, are permanent.
5. "You can have an affair!"
Um, I'm not even sure where to begin with that one...
6. "You can play the triangle in my band."
Ok. This one is a joke.
7. "You can make jokes in your blog that only three other people will get."
I just did! Please see number six.
8. "It's time to start up that Monday night drinking club again."
Hmmmm...it's a possibility. I'm just not so sure it's in my best interest.
9. "Take another trip."
This is also a good one. But I can't help but wonder if that is what put me in my funk to begin with. I was really riding high when I came back from Hawaii. But now that I've been back for almost a month, I've hit a slump. The excitement has worn off and I'm here looking for the next thing to look forward to. There are places that I want to go. The problem is that most of them will require resources like time and money that I may not have enough of to do what I want.
10. "Get some exercise."
No one actually suggested this, at least not to my face. This came from me. I'm looking for a gym right now that has aerobics classes at an hour that I would actually be able to attend. Maybe a little endorphin therapy will help. For now, I will be a slave to the Xbox 360 DDR.
Hmmmm...video games...hadn't considered that one...
Nah.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Put your make up on, fix your hair up pretty and meet me tonight in Atlantic City
When I woke up this morning, the roads seemed completely clear. Sure, there were several inches of snow on the ground, but it seemed as though Penn DOT actually got their asses in gear over night. I had no fear about going to see the Wings play tonight.
However, after driving for an hour and a half to get to the game we learned that the game was postponed until April 13th because the other team couldn't fly in from Minnesota.
"All dressed up with no place to go," I said to Paul. It seemed like a waste of a St. Patrick's Day. I was now in Philly, hours away from my plans B or C. "I feel like we should do something since we're down here."
"Let's go to Atlantic City," he said. And there he was - the spontaneous guy that I married. I thought it was a good idea. Although, I'm barely Irish, I'd be willing to test my luck.
Next thing I knew we were on the AC Expressway, stopping for Starbucks and then parking at Trump. We lost, then won, then won again, lost, lost, lost. Luck of the Irish, my big fat ass! We went from Trump to Wild Wild West and Bally's. I like the decor Wild Wild West, even if it's a little cheesey. I don't even really mind the country music they pipe in there, although was it really necessary for some country artist to remake that fuckin' Himder song. ENOUGH ALREADY!
Walking back to Trump, I saw a black cat on the beach. I started calling him Lucky. I tried calling him to come to me, but he ran under the boardwalk. At least he didn't cross my path, I guess.
And I didn't drink tonight. This is the first St. Patrick's Day that I can remember in years that I was not drunk. See! You all think I'm an alcoholic. Ha!
We stopped at a diner on the way home and then a cop followed us almost to our door. We were the only car on the road and he was just waiting for us to do something stupid. It didn't happen. Then he pulled off to get gas.
So, yeah, that was my night o' spontaneity. It was fun, but I wish I had won something.
However, after driving for an hour and a half to get to the game we learned that the game was postponed until April 13th because the other team couldn't fly in from Minnesota.
"All dressed up with no place to go," I said to Paul. It seemed like a waste of a St. Patrick's Day. I was now in Philly, hours away from my plans B or C. "I feel like we should do something since we're down here."
"Let's go to Atlantic City," he said. And there he was - the spontaneous guy that I married. I thought it was a good idea. Although, I'm barely Irish, I'd be willing to test my luck.
Next thing I knew we were on the AC Expressway, stopping for Starbucks and then parking at Trump. We lost, then won, then won again, lost, lost, lost. Luck of the Irish, my big fat ass! We went from Trump to Wild Wild West and Bally's. I like the decor Wild Wild West, even if it's a little cheesey. I don't even really mind the country music they pipe in there, although was it really necessary for some country artist to remake that fuckin' Himder song. ENOUGH ALREADY!
Walking back to Trump, I saw a black cat on the beach. I started calling him Lucky. I tried calling him to come to me, but he ran under the boardwalk. At least he didn't cross my path, I guess.
And I didn't drink tonight. This is the first St. Patrick's Day that I can remember in years that I was not drunk. See! You all think I'm an alcoholic. Ha!
We stopped at a diner on the way home and then a cop followed us almost to our door. We were the only car on the road and he was just waiting for us to do something stupid. It didn't happen. Then he pulled off to get gas.
So, yeah, that was my night o' spontaneity. It was fun, but I wish I had won something.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Kind Acts of Randomness
New Jersey sucks. I got lost there last week. I made a wrong turn, but convinced myself that it was still right even though I knew deep down it was wrong. I didn't give in for about twenty miles. Then I had to find a place to turn around. Did you know that left turns are illegal pretty much everywhere in New Jersey? So I did a few bizarre maneuvers and probably damn near caused a few accidents just to turn around. Oh well. I guess we all get our turn to be the asshole.
Trying to upload songs to iTunes that were downloaded from other sites is a pain in the ass.
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm really digging the bootlegs that Paul has been burning for me from bit torrent. So far, I have two really great Pixies shows and a Grateful Dead show that I used to have on tape. The download is better quality than the tape that I used to have. He had a really cool U2 show, too.
Best advice ever given to me: Don't piss off the psycho.
Yesterday marked the one month anniversary of the gigantic mound of snow that ran off my roof and gathered directly in front of my door. Because there was ice mixed in with this, it was impossible to get rid of and I've been using my garage to get in and out of the house. I kind of like the mound there. I would know if someone was trying to break in because there would be footprints.
I have this coworker that no one likes. But I think he rocks! This is mostly because he bribes me with alcohol.
I hate people who smile when giving bad news. I don't necessarily mean people who smile in a "ha ha neener neener" kind of way (although, they suck, too). I mean the people who smile as if it's going to make the horrific (and usually blunt) blow more bearable. For example - "You have cancer," or "I want to see other people" or "Don't come into work anymore. You're fired." There's no way to make these words more pleasant. So save your fake nicey nice crap for someone who won't feel like kicking you in the teeth.
I can't believe the Platypus Man is dead.
Only 19 more days until Guitar Hero II comes out for the Xbox 360. Woo hoo!
Some really great things have happened since I got back from Hawaii. One of my friends is pregnant. That had a long time coming. Another friend got a new job. That also had a long time coming. And Paul got a raise and a promotion. I'm wondering if it has anything to do with that Tiki God that is in my bedroom Take that luck, Greg Brady!
Enough with the Hinder song already, people! You know who you are.
Why do people dwell on mistakes? Just acknowledge it, learn from it and move away from it as quickly as possible. Sometimes when you pick up the pieces, you end up cutting yourself. Maybe it's better to just step over them.
It sucks when you get sick in the middle of a big meeting.
My friends rule! I don't know what I ever did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I know I don't tell them nearly enough. You have all been so good to me lately. I love you all. Muah!
Trying to upload songs to iTunes that were downloaded from other sites is a pain in the ass.
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm really digging the bootlegs that Paul has been burning for me from bit torrent. So far, I have two really great Pixies shows and a Grateful Dead show that I used to have on tape. The download is better quality than the tape that I used to have. He had a really cool U2 show, too.
Best advice ever given to me: Don't piss off the psycho.
Yesterday marked the one month anniversary of the gigantic mound of snow that ran off my roof and gathered directly in front of my door. Because there was ice mixed in with this, it was impossible to get rid of and I've been using my garage to get in and out of the house. I kind of like the mound there. I would know if someone was trying to break in because there would be footprints.
I have this coworker that no one likes. But I think he rocks! This is mostly because he bribes me with alcohol.
I hate people who smile when giving bad news. I don't necessarily mean people who smile in a "ha ha neener neener" kind of way (although, they suck, too). I mean the people who smile as if it's going to make the horrific (and usually blunt) blow more bearable. For example - "You have cancer," or "I want to see other people" or "Don't come into work anymore. You're fired." There's no way to make these words more pleasant. So save your fake nicey nice crap for someone who won't feel like kicking you in the teeth.
I can't believe the Platypus Man is dead.
Only 19 more days until Guitar Hero II comes out for the Xbox 360. Woo hoo!
Some really great things have happened since I got back from Hawaii. One of my friends is pregnant. That had a long time coming. Another friend got a new job. That also had a long time coming. And Paul got a raise and a promotion. I'm wondering if it has anything to do with that Tiki God that is in my bedroom Take that luck, Greg Brady!
Enough with the Hinder song already, people! You know who you are.
Why do people dwell on mistakes? Just acknowledge it, learn from it and move away from it as quickly as possible. Sometimes when you pick up the pieces, you end up cutting yourself. Maybe it's better to just step over them.
It sucks when you get sick in the middle of a big meeting.
My friends rule! I don't know what I ever did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I know I don't tell them nearly enough. You have all been so good to me lately. I love you all. Muah!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Between the poles and the equator - my trip to Hawaii
Lots of ground to cover here, so I'm going to just jump right into it.
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
As most people who know me would tell you, my social life tends to revolve around professional lacrosse between late December and early May. Knowing that I wanted to take this trip early in the year to escape snow and cold and also possibly save a vacation day by using the Presidents' Day holiday, I booked a flight and a cruise that would leave after a game and wouldn't interfere with any home games since I would have to waste my season tickets.
Unfortunately, the Wings lost. But I didn't care. While everyone else was pissy about the loss at the post game party, I smiled. "I don't care. I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow," I said.
When Paul, my Amazing Race partner in training, and I got back to the airport Sheraton, we found ourselves kicking and jumping on snow in an attempt to shovel a space out a bit for parking for the week. I'm sure this was quite a sight.
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
The flight out was really early. We were to change planes in Dallas. We got to the gate and on board without incident. However, as soon as we were up in the air, I discovered that my iPod would not turn on. This was extremely disappointing considering that I spent hours loading songs with this trip and the eleven hour flight in mind. I bought a charger when I got to Dallas, but it didn't seem to do much good. I resigned to the music offered on the plane, which wasn't awful, I guess and watched Dodge Ball.
Yes, that's right. Dodge Ball. As in, the movie that was out like, two years ago. I'm going to start right now by telling you that American Airlines really blows. And I plan on finishing by telling you how badly. But I'll start with the minor annoyances, the bad amenities. They also charge for food. I think they wanted $3 for one of those cookies that you get at a convenience store for about 50 cents. And they no longer offer Mai Tai's! Oh well, there was more of those to be had later.
We got off the plane and cabbed it to Waikiki. I realized that due to some absent minded and hurried packing on my part, I forgot to pack some essentials. We made our way out to pick up the odds and ends and explore the beach a little. My iPod started charging, which was cool. I was kind of worried there was something wrong with it. We had dinner and Mai Tai's at some bar and grill place that sold Big Kahuna Burgers (think Pulp Fiction) and had them just for the novelty of it. Then we took a long walk to the Hard Rock Cafe to get my sister Lori a t-shirt since she collects the city shirts. I was exhausted, but trekked along anyway. I'm a good sister.
Waikiki Beach is kind of small. See?
After the walk, I drank some sort of juice that consisted of strawberry, guava and passion fruit and completely passed out.
Monday, February 19th, 2007
I had a little bit of a klutzy mishap in the morning that left me bleeding (again, those who know me probably aren't surprised), this caused us to get off on a later start than we had planned. We were heading to tour the Pearl Harbor memorial at the USS Arizona. To further complicate things, the transportation that the hotel called for us was late. This lead to a downward spiral by the time we reached the memorial. Tour buses had arrived and we would have to wait an hour and half for our tour.
The tour consists of a history movie and a boat trip out to the memorial where you can actually see where the ship is still sunk under the water. I got a good seat on the boat going over, to take some pictures. I tried turning on my camera and discovered that the battery was dead. My camera is brand new and I didn't realize that it was a rechargeable battery. Of course, I didn't bother bringing the battery charger with me. So, I didn't get any pictures, unfortunately. I bought a couple post cards so that I'll at least have something for the scrapbook. Other than that, the memorial was an awesome sight. There is a wall with the names of the soldiers who died during the attack. And you can also see oil still coming out of the ship resting on the water. Fascinating.
We were late checking out because of our little time setback, but it ended up being ok. I ran out to get a battery charger and an extra battery. Fortunately, I was paying attention during my walk the day before and remembered seeing a camera shop.
We cabbed our way to our cruise ship, the Pride of Hawaii and stood in incredibly long lines to drop off luggage, go through security and get boarding passes. The joke of the whole thing is that even after you have your boarding pass, they make you stand in line to get some sort of souvenir photo taken with a green screen. This is total bullshit. I'm not buying your fucking photo. Get me on the ship and I'll buy a few drinks. Don't they realize they're bound to make more money that way?
I discussed this with two men from Australia on the way in. I observed during my week that the people on the ship seemed to come from three places overall - Australia, Japan and Texas.
After the bullshit safety drill that they are required to run (you take your life jackets to a large meeting area and wait...yeah, like if that ship goes down like the Titanic, we're all going to be calm and wait), and a really bad dinner at the buffet, we grabbed a few Hawaiian beers.
We went to see the ship's comedian (who sucked) and had a few Mai Tai's at the club. It was then that I realized that this ship was really rocky. I got seasick. And the alcohol didn't help.
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
Come on, kids. You know I don't get hangovers. But I struggled getting ready for our planned excursion in Hilo. I was really seasick. And since I didn't expect to feel any motion (my last cruise was completely stable), I had no Dramamine with me.
Somehow, I pulled myself together and made it on the bus with my tour guide Cousin Hank.
He took us to Rainbow Falls
Nani Mau Gardens (which means Forever Beautiful)
Volcanoes National Park
Where I walked through a lava tube
And had an altar to some goddess who liked fruit and gin
(Notice the gin is missing )
And a Macadamia Nut Factory which is actually owned by Hershey.
Cousin Hank told us a lot about Hawaiian folklore. But after I heard conflicting stories about whether or not there are reptiles on the islands, I started to wonder if all Hawaiian tour guides are just full of shit. Eh, who cares? At least the stories were entertaining.
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
I felt better Wednesday morning. We set off to go whale watching. This was probably my favorite part of the trip. We got on this little boat with a really cool crew of guys. They taught us a lot about whales and how to spot them, how often the breach the surface, etc. We anchored out a bit and were actually able to listen to them via some sort of sound devices. We watched two idiots in a kayak in the middle of the ocean try to negotiate their way around the large animals. Towards the end of the excursion, a whale popped out of the water about 25 feet from the boat. Of course, I had put my camera away at that point, figuring that we had seen the last of them. I was actually so stunned that it came so close, I doubt I would have been able to pull off a good shot anyway. Most of the time, when we saw them, it looked like this.
In the afternoon, I hung out on the deck with my iPod and got a bad sunburn. Later that evening, I attended a luau, where I sat with some older people from Chicago and Saskatchewan. The people from Chicago were extremely nice. They told me about when they came to Hawaii as part of a four month honeymoon. I couldn't even begin to fathom what a four month honeymoon would be like. I could only imagine it ending in divorce.
The food was ok, the Mai Tai's were watered down, but the entertainment was decent - male and female hula dancers, fire eaters, Hawaiian music. The luau was at resort in Maui. The sunset was beautiful.
Several buses took us all back to the ship. I happened to end up on a bus with an oldies music purist who spouted a lot of sanctimonious bullshit about how the music of the 50's is far superior to anything else today and that people don't appreciate it. Ok, I have nothing but respect for someone who has passion for music. But just because you prefer something to the oldies, doesn't mean that you can't appreciate what you're hearing. He went on tirades about how musicians don't even have to be on the same continent anymore to record and mix music. I see no problem with this.
But what really got me was that he played "Donna" and encouraged us to yell out the names of famous musicians who died in plane crashes besides Ritchie Valenz, et al. This probably isn't a good topic of conversation for a bunch of mainlanders.
"Stevie Ray Vaughn," I yelled. Oh well. At least if my plane went down, I'd be in good company.
And just when I thought I met the biggest asshole of the night, as I boarded the ship, a crew member handed me a coupon for the photo gallery and told me in a very loud voice that I'd be able to find aloe for my sunburn in the gift shop next door. Thanks, dick.
Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
I laughed when I saw myself in the mirror. My face was burned, except for the lines around my eyes where I left my sunglasses on the day before. I looked like Ace Frehley.
I didn't really do much that day - a little shopping, some juice at Jamaba Juice where the girl behind the counter laughed when I said that this was one of the best vacations I was ever on. I sat on the deck and listened to the house band, despite the horrid sounds of "Stairway to Heaven" and "Mustang Sally." I went to the see the magic show on board and had a late dinner at the Italian restaurant on board.
Friday, February 23rd, 2007
Oh, you're still reading this?
This is the part of the trip where I started to get homesick and sick of cruise ship people in general.
Friday found us in Kona, which was a pretty cool part of Hawaii. Because there was nowhere for the boat to dock, we had to take tender boats to shore.
The plan for the morning was to take a submarine ride. After a run in with what I believe was a drag queen in the ladies' room, I got on yet another boat to go to a 50 passenger submarine that went 100 feet down to a landing at the bottom of the ocean. Everyone was really crammed in, but there was a portal for everyone. I almost got kicked in the face climbing down the ladder to get into it. We didn't really see much down there...coral reef, some fish, some sand. It was ok, I guess. I can say that I did it. And it seems that any sort of adventure in the water in Hawaii involves hot tour guides.
I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the little shops in Kona. I had a pretty good smoothie and bought a t-shirt that was dyed with beer and a little Christmas tree ornament made from a starfish. Security was pretty rough with my bag on the way back on the ship and I worried that they would break it.
The tender boat driver took a bit of a turn and we couldn't figure out why until we saw a bunch of dolphins. We watched them some more during lunch.
That night for dinner, we were treated kind of rudely by a maitre d' (Butch Hammedy...that's right, I got your name, mother fucker) in one of the specialty restaurants who claimed to not have our reservation (in actuality, he was looking at the wrong list...he later apologized, but seemed to still try to make it sound like it was our fault for making our reservation later than when the paper was printed...despite the updated copy at the podium). I'm not usually one to complain (actually, I should have just been satisfied when I told him to blow me), but in the back of my mind I heard the voice of Dr. Alan, my marketing professor telling me to speak up when you get bad service so that the problem can be corrected. So we did, but on the way we ran into the nice people from the luau and I felt really bad complaining after talking to them.
We went to the show that night...a Broadway review featuring the likes of Mama Mia. All of the singers sucked except for one. But when she started singing "Winner Takes it All," I broke into a fit of giggles.
We went to the club after that, but since the ship was moving I was afraid to drink. The band they had was really good. Too bad I didn't have anyone to dance with.
Saturday, February 24th, 2007
We were in Nawhilili, Kauai for the weekend. I slept in Saturday and then went to Marriott Gardens and the beach. I lost my fling flong in the water. Paul got it for me.
We walked around a little and took a shuttle bus to Hilo Hatties where I bought a little sundress. We went back to the ship to get ready for a sunset sail that we had booked, but we learned that it was cancelled due to muddy water.
So we went back out and had drinks and appetizers at Duke's. It was there that I had a really good passion fruit daiquiri. We also had some crab wontons and calamari. We went back to the ship and decided to go see the show for the night.
It seemed like a good idea. It was supposed to be a rock show. It ended up with a Who medley that would leave Pete Townshend thankful for his hearing loss. I took a walk up on the deck and came back and watched The Family Stone. We ordered a late snack from room service that ended up to be this gooey chocolate thing. That was actually pretty good.
Sunday, February 25th, 2007
Since our other excursion was cancelled, we decided to take a bus ride around Kauai to see another waterfall and the land called Hanalei. We also went to a guava plantation where we had the best juice I have ever tasted.
The important thing to know about the island of Kauai is that it is grossly inhabited by the Polynesian Jungle Fowl. They look like this:
We had lunch at the buffet where a happy little Asian guy gleefully yelled, "I'm making PASTA!" to anyone who walked by. Then I stretched out on the deck for a little while in an attempt to even out my tan.
I got seasick again. This time, I wasn't even drinking. I had picked up some Dramamine at one of the shops earlier in the week. I took it and immediately fell asleep.
Later, the boat cruised by the Napali Coast. It was gorgeous.
I went back to the room and packed. Then I went back on deck to try to take in the sunset. I eavesdropped on a man and a woman who were discussing what primitive Hawaiian women did for feminine hygiene products since they did not have cloth like the Europeans did. This somehow lead to a discussion about how everything in the world has a purpose, including sharks and AIDS. I wanted to ask them how they managed to get their pot past security.
We had dinner at one of the nicer dining area on the ship and were treated well, partially because of the screw up from earlier in the week. It sucks that something bad had to happen to get good service. We went back to the room and set our bags out to be taken directly to the airport (I had little faith in the system, but didn't want to lug all my shit around the next day). I was sad to go, but homesick all at the same time. It was very bittersweet.
Monday, February 26th, 2007
I didn't want to get up that morning. I had a dream that I was making out with Eric Nies, for some reason. Maybe it was because I kept thinking about my aerobics tape the whole time I was gone.
We had breakfast, took some pictures and then got off the boat. We lined up to get a cab to take us to the University of Hawaii to get some sweatshirts and just have a look around. There was an excitable man directing people into the cabs. When we got into ours, the driver (who was Asian) said, "Fuck that Korean guy!" At first, I thought I misheard him. But then I heard him again. I guess he didn't like how he was giving more customers to the other Korean cab drivers.
We bought sweatshirts and someone called us another cab. We people watched a little. I noticed that a lot of the people there wore their sandals and flip flops too small.
The cab driver finally found us after calling us a bunch of times. He asked where we were from and we told him the Philadelphia area. Turns out he was a bit of an Eagles fan. And he asked us about cheesesteaks. He thought that the whiz that they show on tv was mustard. I taught him the proper way to order, should he ever find himself at Pat's.
We got to the airport and checked the duffle bag that we had since it had some liquids in it. The airport seemed to be overrun with midgets and deformed people. We had two more Kona Longboard drafts.
I got on the plane and felt like crying. I was really going to miss Hawaii and didn't want to come back to work and life around here in the cold and snow. What made it worse was that there was some sort of issue with the cargo and the pilot had to take the plane back to the gate to readjust. This made me a bit nervous. I'm usually not afraid to fly, but going over the ocean can be a bit unnerving.
The flight attendant gave me a can of Sprite. It tasted funny at first. Then I realized that the can came from the Netherlands. It seems that they use local water and use sugar instead of syrup. That might be the only thing I learned in my global business class.
We changed planes without issue in Dallas. A girl around my age, maybe a little younger was traveling by herself with an infant. I helped her carry her stuff off the plane in Philly. We went down to baggage claim and, almost immediately, the bags that we checked from the ship appeared. The duffle bag that we checked at the airport is still missing, however. I had to run out and buy all new makeup and toiletries today. The girl with the baby said that some of her bags were open and missing items. Another guy was told that his bags were probably left at their home airport simply because they were too heavy and would cause the plane to fall out of the sky (I'm not kidding).
And could someone please tell me why they bar code luggage if they don't use it for tracking purposes?
And that is why I will never fly with American Airlines again (see, I told you I'd get back to it).
GENERAL NOTES
Choose Royal
If you have to choose between Norwegian and Royal Caribbean, choose Royal. Norwegian's Freestyle Cruising is nothing but an inconvenience. Their ships are grossly understaffed and lack the seasoned professionalism of Royal.
Take the Steps
You're going to want to try all sorts of new foods and enjoy yourself. This could cause you to feel like a cow. Also, the average person gains on pound per day when on a cruise. As a result, you should always take the steps and avoid shuttle buses unless you don't know where you are going or your destination is extremely far away.
No Photos Please
There are photographers everywhere. As I overheard one of them bitching about her pay, I learned that they are not paid an hourly rate. They are paid by the number of photos and by commissions. As a result, they will be difficult to avoid. And when you're hideously unattractive, this can be really uncomfortable.
Don't wear your sunglasses while tanning
Even if Ace is your favorite member of Kiss.
I wouldn't say this if I didn't really mean it
Don't drink if you know the boat will be in motion. Nothing is worse than motion sickness.
You will never be dressed appropriately
If you wear shorts, you will be cold. If you wear long pants, you will be hot.
Yeah, I feel safe
If you place your hand over your watch or your belt buckle when going through a metal detector, it will not go off.
People will stop short right in front of you for no reason.
So kick them.
Hawaii is very 70's.
But for some reason, the people there love their 50's music.
If I hear that "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" medley one more time, I might kill myself.
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
As most people who know me would tell you, my social life tends to revolve around professional lacrosse between late December and early May. Knowing that I wanted to take this trip early in the year to escape snow and cold and also possibly save a vacation day by using the Presidents' Day holiday, I booked a flight and a cruise that would leave after a game and wouldn't interfere with any home games since I would have to waste my season tickets.
Unfortunately, the Wings lost. But I didn't care. While everyone else was pissy about the loss at the post game party, I smiled. "I don't care. I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow," I said.
When Paul, my Amazing Race partner in training, and I got back to the airport Sheraton, we found ourselves kicking and jumping on snow in an attempt to shovel a space out a bit for parking for the week. I'm sure this was quite a sight.
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
The flight out was really early. We were to change planes in Dallas. We got to the gate and on board without incident. However, as soon as we were up in the air, I discovered that my iPod would not turn on. This was extremely disappointing considering that I spent hours loading songs with this trip and the eleven hour flight in mind. I bought a charger when I got to Dallas, but it didn't seem to do much good. I resigned to the music offered on the plane, which wasn't awful, I guess and watched Dodge Ball.
Yes, that's right. Dodge Ball. As in, the movie that was out like, two years ago. I'm going to start right now by telling you that American Airlines really blows. And I plan on finishing by telling you how badly. But I'll start with the minor annoyances, the bad amenities. They also charge for food. I think they wanted $3 for one of those cookies that you get at a convenience store for about 50 cents. And they no longer offer Mai Tai's! Oh well, there was more of those to be had later.
We got off the plane and cabbed it to Waikiki. I realized that due to some absent minded and hurried packing on my part, I forgot to pack some essentials. We made our way out to pick up the odds and ends and explore the beach a little. My iPod started charging, which was cool. I was kind of worried there was something wrong with it. We had dinner and Mai Tai's at some bar and grill place that sold Big Kahuna Burgers (think Pulp Fiction) and had them just for the novelty of it. Then we took a long walk to the Hard Rock Cafe to get my sister Lori a t-shirt since she collects the city shirts. I was exhausted, but trekked along anyway. I'm a good sister.
Waikiki Beach is kind of small. See?
After the walk, I drank some sort of juice that consisted of strawberry, guava and passion fruit and completely passed out.
Monday, February 19th, 2007
I had a little bit of a klutzy mishap in the morning that left me bleeding (again, those who know me probably aren't surprised), this caused us to get off on a later start than we had planned. We were heading to tour the Pearl Harbor memorial at the USS Arizona. To further complicate things, the transportation that the hotel called for us was late. This lead to a downward spiral by the time we reached the memorial. Tour buses had arrived and we would have to wait an hour and half for our tour.
The tour consists of a history movie and a boat trip out to the memorial where you can actually see where the ship is still sunk under the water. I got a good seat on the boat going over, to take some pictures. I tried turning on my camera and discovered that the battery was dead. My camera is brand new and I didn't realize that it was a rechargeable battery. Of course, I didn't bother bringing the battery charger with me. So, I didn't get any pictures, unfortunately. I bought a couple post cards so that I'll at least have something for the scrapbook. Other than that, the memorial was an awesome sight. There is a wall with the names of the soldiers who died during the attack. And you can also see oil still coming out of the ship resting on the water. Fascinating.
We were late checking out because of our little time setback, but it ended up being ok. I ran out to get a battery charger and an extra battery. Fortunately, I was paying attention during my walk the day before and remembered seeing a camera shop.
We cabbed our way to our cruise ship, the Pride of Hawaii and stood in incredibly long lines to drop off luggage, go through security and get boarding passes. The joke of the whole thing is that even after you have your boarding pass, they make you stand in line to get some sort of souvenir photo taken with a green screen. This is total bullshit. I'm not buying your fucking photo. Get me on the ship and I'll buy a few drinks. Don't they realize they're bound to make more money that way?
I discussed this with two men from Australia on the way in. I observed during my week that the people on the ship seemed to come from three places overall - Australia, Japan and Texas.
After the bullshit safety drill that they are required to run (you take your life jackets to a large meeting area and wait...yeah, like if that ship goes down like the Titanic, we're all going to be calm and wait), and a really bad dinner at the buffet, we grabbed a few Hawaiian beers.
We went to see the ship's comedian (who sucked) and had a few Mai Tai's at the club. It was then that I realized that this ship was really rocky. I got seasick. And the alcohol didn't help.
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
Come on, kids. You know I don't get hangovers. But I struggled getting ready for our planned excursion in Hilo. I was really seasick. And since I didn't expect to feel any motion (my last cruise was completely stable), I had no Dramamine with me.
Somehow, I pulled myself together and made it on the bus with my tour guide Cousin Hank.
He took us to Rainbow Falls
Nani Mau Gardens (which means Forever Beautiful)
Volcanoes National Park
Where I walked through a lava tube
And had an altar to some goddess who liked fruit and gin
(Notice the gin is missing )
And a Macadamia Nut Factory which is actually owned by Hershey.
Cousin Hank told us a lot about Hawaiian folklore. But after I heard conflicting stories about whether or not there are reptiles on the islands, I started to wonder if all Hawaiian tour guides are just full of shit. Eh, who cares? At least the stories were entertaining.
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
I felt better Wednesday morning. We set off to go whale watching. This was probably my favorite part of the trip. We got on this little boat with a really cool crew of guys. They taught us a lot about whales and how to spot them, how often the breach the surface, etc. We anchored out a bit and were actually able to listen to them via some sort of sound devices. We watched two idiots in a kayak in the middle of the ocean try to negotiate their way around the large animals. Towards the end of the excursion, a whale popped out of the water about 25 feet from the boat. Of course, I had put my camera away at that point, figuring that we had seen the last of them. I was actually so stunned that it came so close, I doubt I would have been able to pull off a good shot anyway. Most of the time, when we saw them, it looked like this.
In the afternoon, I hung out on the deck with my iPod and got a bad sunburn. Later that evening, I attended a luau, where I sat with some older people from Chicago and Saskatchewan. The people from Chicago were extremely nice. They told me about when they came to Hawaii as part of a four month honeymoon. I couldn't even begin to fathom what a four month honeymoon would be like. I could only imagine it ending in divorce.
The food was ok, the Mai Tai's were watered down, but the entertainment was decent - male and female hula dancers, fire eaters, Hawaiian music. The luau was at resort in Maui. The sunset was beautiful.
Several buses took us all back to the ship. I happened to end up on a bus with an oldies music purist who spouted a lot of sanctimonious bullshit about how the music of the 50's is far superior to anything else today and that people don't appreciate it. Ok, I have nothing but respect for someone who has passion for music. But just because you prefer something to the oldies, doesn't mean that you can't appreciate what you're hearing. He went on tirades about how musicians don't even have to be on the same continent anymore to record and mix music. I see no problem with this.
But what really got me was that he played "Donna" and encouraged us to yell out the names of famous musicians who died in plane crashes besides Ritchie Valenz, et al. This probably isn't a good topic of conversation for a bunch of mainlanders.
"Stevie Ray Vaughn," I yelled. Oh well. At least if my plane went down, I'd be in good company.
And just when I thought I met the biggest asshole of the night, as I boarded the ship, a crew member handed me a coupon for the photo gallery and told me in a very loud voice that I'd be able to find aloe for my sunburn in the gift shop next door. Thanks, dick.
Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
I laughed when I saw myself in the mirror. My face was burned, except for the lines around my eyes where I left my sunglasses on the day before. I looked like Ace Frehley.
I didn't really do much that day - a little shopping, some juice at Jamaba Juice where the girl behind the counter laughed when I said that this was one of the best vacations I was ever on. I sat on the deck and listened to the house band, despite the horrid sounds of "Stairway to Heaven" and "Mustang Sally." I went to the see the magic show on board and had a late dinner at the Italian restaurant on board.
Friday, February 23rd, 2007
Oh, you're still reading this?
This is the part of the trip where I started to get homesick and sick of cruise ship people in general.
Friday found us in Kona, which was a pretty cool part of Hawaii. Because there was nowhere for the boat to dock, we had to take tender boats to shore.
The plan for the morning was to take a submarine ride. After a run in with what I believe was a drag queen in the ladies' room, I got on yet another boat to go to a 50 passenger submarine that went 100 feet down to a landing at the bottom of the ocean. Everyone was really crammed in, but there was a portal for everyone. I almost got kicked in the face climbing down the ladder to get into it. We didn't really see much down there...coral reef, some fish, some sand. It was ok, I guess. I can say that I did it. And it seems that any sort of adventure in the water in Hawaii involves hot tour guides.
I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the little shops in Kona. I had a pretty good smoothie and bought a t-shirt that was dyed with beer and a little Christmas tree ornament made from a starfish. Security was pretty rough with my bag on the way back on the ship and I worried that they would break it.
The tender boat driver took a bit of a turn and we couldn't figure out why until we saw a bunch of dolphins. We watched them some more during lunch.
That night for dinner, we were treated kind of rudely by a maitre d' (Butch Hammedy...that's right, I got your name, mother fucker) in one of the specialty restaurants who claimed to not have our reservation (in actuality, he was looking at the wrong list...he later apologized, but seemed to still try to make it sound like it was our fault for making our reservation later than when the paper was printed...despite the updated copy at the podium). I'm not usually one to complain (actually, I should have just been satisfied when I told him to blow me), but in the back of my mind I heard the voice of Dr. Alan, my marketing professor telling me to speak up when you get bad service so that the problem can be corrected. So we did, but on the way we ran into the nice people from the luau and I felt really bad complaining after talking to them.
We went to the show that night...a Broadway review featuring the likes of Mama Mia. All of the singers sucked except for one. But when she started singing "Winner Takes it All," I broke into a fit of giggles.
We went to the club after that, but since the ship was moving I was afraid to drink. The band they had was really good. Too bad I didn't have anyone to dance with.
Saturday, February 24th, 2007
We were in Nawhilili, Kauai for the weekend. I slept in Saturday and then went to Marriott Gardens and the beach. I lost my fling flong in the water. Paul got it for me.
We walked around a little and took a shuttle bus to Hilo Hatties where I bought a little sundress. We went back to the ship to get ready for a sunset sail that we had booked, but we learned that it was cancelled due to muddy water.
So we went back out and had drinks and appetizers at Duke's. It was there that I had a really good passion fruit daiquiri. We also had some crab wontons and calamari. We went back to the ship and decided to go see the show for the night.
It seemed like a good idea. It was supposed to be a rock show. It ended up with a Who medley that would leave Pete Townshend thankful for his hearing loss. I took a walk up on the deck and came back and watched The Family Stone. We ordered a late snack from room service that ended up to be this gooey chocolate thing. That was actually pretty good.
Sunday, February 25th, 2007
Since our other excursion was cancelled, we decided to take a bus ride around Kauai to see another waterfall and the land called Hanalei. We also went to a guava plantation where we had the best juice I have ever tasted.
The important thing to know about the island of Kauai is that it is grossly inhabited by the Polynesian Jungle Fowl. They look like this:
We had lunch at the buffet where a happy little Asian guy gleefully yelled, "I'm making PASTA!" to anyone who walked by. Then I stretched out on the deck for a little while in an attempt to even out my tan.
I got seasick again. This time, I wasn't even drinking. I had picked up some Dramamine at one of the shops earlier in the week. I took it and immediately fell asleep.
Later, the boat cruised by the Napali Coast. It was gorgeous.
I went back to the room and packed. Then I went back on deck to try to take in the sunset. I eavesdropped on a man and a woman who were discussing what primitive Hawaiian women did for feminine hygiene products since they did not have cloth like the Europeans did. This somehow lead to a discussion about how everything in the world has a purpose, including sharks and AIDS. I wanted to ask them how they managed to get their pot past security.
We had dinner at one of the nicer dining area on the ship and were treated well, partially because of the screw up from earlier in the week. It sucks that something bad had to happen to get good service. We went back to the room and set our bags out to be taken directly to the airport (I had little faith in the system, but didn't want to lug all my shit around the next day). I was sad to go, but homesick all at the same time. It was very bittersweet.
Monday, February 26th, 2007
I didn't want to get up that morning. I had a dream that I was making out with Eric Nies, for some reason. Maybe it was because I kept thinking about my aerobics tape the whole time I was gone.
We had breakfast, took some pictures and then got off the boat. We lined up to get a cab to take us to the University of Hawaii to get some sweatshirts and just have a look around. There was an excitable man directing people into the cabs. When we got into ours, the driver (who was Asian) said, "Fuck that Korean guy!" At first, I thought I misheard him. But then I heard him again. I guess he didn't like how he was giving more customers to the other Korean cab drivers.
We bought sweatshirts and someone called us another cab. We people watched a little. I noticed that a lot of the people there wore their sandals and flip flops too small.
The cab driver finally found us after calling us a bunch of times. He asked where we were from and we told him the Philadelphia area. Turns out he was a bit of an Eagles fan. And he asked us about cheesesteaks. He thought that the whiz that they show on tv was mustard. I taught him the proper way to order, should he ever find himself at Pat's.
We got to the airport and checked the duffle bag that we had since it had some liquids in it. The airport seemed to be overrun with midgets and deformed people. We had two more Kona Longboard drafts.
I got on the plane and felt like crying. I was really going to miss Hawaii and didn't want to come back to work and life around here in the cold and snow. What made it worse was that there was some sort of issue with the cargo and the pilot had to take the plane back to the gate to readjust. This made me a bit nervous. I'm usually not afraid to fly, but going over the ocean can be a bit unnerving.
The flight attendant gave me a can of Sprite. It tasted funny at first. Then I realized that the can came from the Netherlands. It seems that they use local water and use sugar instead of syrup. That might be the only thing I learned in my global business class.
We changed planes without issue in Dallas. A girl around my age, maybe a little younger was traveling by herself with an infant. I helped her carry her stuff off the plane in Philly. We went down to baggage claim and, almost immediately, the bags that we checked from the ship appeared. The duffle bag that we checked at the airport is still missing, however. I had to run out and buy all new makeup and toiletries today. The girl with the baby said that some of her bags were open and missing items. Another guy was told that his bags were probably left at their home airport simply because they were too heavy and would cause the plane to fall out of the sky (I'm not kidding).
And could someone please tell me why they bar code luggage if they don't use it for tracking purposes?
And that is why I will never fly with American Airlines again (see, I told you I'd get back to it).
GENERAL NOTES
Choose Royal
If you have to choose between Norwegian and Royal Caribbean, choose Royal. Norwegian's Freestyle Cruising is nothing but an inconvenience. Their ships are grossly understaffed and lack the seasoned professionalism of Royal.
Take the Steps
You're going to want to try all sorts of new foods and enjoy yourself. This could cause you to feel like a cow. Also, the average person gains on pound per day when on a cruise. As a result, you should always take the steps and avoid shuttle buses unless you don't know where you are going or your destination is extremely far away.
No Photos Please
There are photographers everywhere. As I overheard one of them bitching about her pay, I learned that they are not paid an hourly rate. They are paid by the number of photos and by commissions. As a result, they will be difficult to avoid. And when you're hideously unattractive, this can be really uncomfortable.
Don't wear your sunglasses while tanning
Even if Ace is your favorite member of Kiss.
I wouldn't say this if I didn't really mean it
Don't drink if you know the boat will be in motion. Nothing is worse than motion sickness.
You will never be dressed appropriately
If you wear shorts, you will be cold. If you wear long pants, you will be hot.
Yeah, I feel safe
If you place your hand over your watch or your belt buckle when going through a metal detector, it will not go off.
People will stop short right in front of you for no reason.
So kick them.
Hawaii is very 70's.
But for some reason, the people there love their 50's music.
If I hear that "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" medley one more time, I might kill myself.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
10 CDs That Never Get Old
I'm extremely fickle and get bored with things easily. And given the scientific fact that our bodies renew our cells every seven to ten years, causing tastes to change, it's a miracle that anything remains constant in my world. But I seem to always find myself gravitating towards these CDs during good times and bad. Some of which have been favorites for many many years.
Counting them down...
10. Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree
Best Tracks: "Dance, Dance," "Sugar We're Going Down," "A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me.'"
Favorite lyrics: "I don't blame you for being you but can you blame me for hating it?"
This is the most recent on the list. Am I too old to like Fall Out Boy? Am I uncool for this since they're now "way too mainstream" according to all those little emo brats? I will hand it to this whole emo revolution (and yes, I say revolution because if you look at the music surrounding historical periods of war, you'll notice vast changes in musical tastes and popularity...in the 60's we saw the rise of folk rock...shortly after the Gulf War of the 90's we saw grunge, etc. etc.), we're getting the best heart wrenching lyrics out of these pussy boys. Every time I listen to this CD I discover new lyrics. And the tunes are pretty catchy as well.
9. Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting
Best tracks: title track, "Caroline," "Lullaby," "Tomorrow," "Wendy"
Favorite lyrics: "I've got the ways and means to New Orleans, I'm going down by the river where it's warm and green, I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I've got a lot to think about"
Most people probably know the song "Joey" on this CD, but there is a lot more on it. And quite frankly, that might be the worst song on here. I used to sit in my basement and sing along to this for hours. And I was amazed to find it on the juke box at my favorite bar recently. You always know when I'm there because I'm usually playing something from this CD.
8. Judybats - Down in the Shacks Where the Satellite Dishes Grow
Best tracks: "Our Story," "How it Is," "Lullaby (Weren't We Wild)," "When Things Get Slow Around Here"
Favorite lyrics: "Good love is easy to find, but it's hard to keep, and though I hate it when you wake, I still love to watch you sleep"
It was hard to pick a favorite Judy Bats CD because I love them all. Although, I've probably played "Native Son" more than any CD I own and "Pain Makes You Beautiful" is usually my comfort CD. I listen to that one on my way to uncomfortable places like job interviews and the gynecologist. This CD is just fun. I remember being so excited when it came out. Every now and then another Judy Bats fan surfaces. But they seem to be few and far between.
7. Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
Best tracks: "Don't Look Back in Anger," "Champagne Supernova," "Wonderwall"
Favorite lyrics: "Take me to the place where you go, where nobody knows, if it's night or day"
Also known as the "What the fuck did I do last night?" CD because, when I first turned 21, I would come home and play this all night as I fell asleep. And yes, I realize that I'm choosing the more popular songs as favorites here. But this is probably one of the few instances where I will keep an overplayed song on the radio if I hear it. I think that's the true test of a CD that I could never get sick of. I fully recognize the songs are overdone, yet I still like them. That rarely happens.
6. The Rolling Stones - Some Girls
Best Tracks: "Before They Make Me Run," "Far Away Eyes," "Just My Imagination," "Respectable"
Favorite lyrics: "I wasn't looking too good but I was feeling real well"
I'll admit this is not the best Rolling Stones CD, but it's the only one that I can honestly say I like every single track. The other CD's have those typical warhorses on them ("Jumpin' Jack Flash," "Start Me Up," etc.). I also love Ron Wood. And they put out very few good CDs with him.
5. Counting Crows - August and Everything After
Best tracks: "Anna Begins," "Murder of One," "Round Here," "Raining in Baltimore"
Favorite lyrics: "And every time she sneezes I believe it's love and oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing"
This is more of a sentimental favorite than anything. I bucked the CD trend for years because I only had a tape player in my car. This was the first CD I bought. And I still play it a lot when I'm writing or when I was doing homework.
4. The Wallflowers - Bringing Down the Horse
Best tracks: "Laughing Out Loud," "God Don't Make Lonely Girls," "The Difference," "One Headlight," "6th Avenue Heartache"
Favorite lyrics: "It smells of cheap wine and cigarettes, this place is always such a mess, sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn"
Again, I know I'm picking the more popular songs on the CD, but it all goes back to the same drunken time period. I remember dancing to this with my sister at the Citz on a Sunday night. There are also a lot of great lyrics on this one to choose from. And I also remember back in college whenever we'd see the video to "One Headlight," Taco and I would point at the TV and say, "I'd fuck that." Years later, I met Jakob Dylan outside of the TLA in Philly. It totally ruined everything for me. His skin seemed a little yellow. He was all bundled up. His eyes were gorgeous, but in no way rivaled G Love's.
3. Mike Doughty - Skittish/Rockity Roll
Best Tracks: "Rising Sign," "The Only Answer," "Looks," "Down on the River by the Sugar Plant"
Favorite Lyrics: "You were the only answer, my plans spun all around you, five years in the wrong I am assured, my name to you is just another word"
I'm cheating. I own this CD as two separate CDs. I bought them long before they were released as one and Mike even signed my copy of Skittish when I saw him in Seattle. I made an ass out of myself by asking him about his cover of Mary J Blidge's "Real Love," mentioning that was the main reason why I was buying the CD. But, I'm nothing if not honest. This stuff sounds different from the typical Soul Coughing stuff, but similar enough to still be enjoyable. The guy went through some hard times, but cleaned up his act. And he's ok to talk to at his shows. He's actually not a dick.
2. Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes
Best tracks: "Mother," "China," "Precious Things," "Happy Phantom," "Leather"
Favorite lyrics: "I walked into your dream and now I've forgotten how to dream my own dream, you are a clever one aren't you?"
Even in high school I suffered from insomnia. I used to take naps after school and then sit in my living room and do homework at 3 AM. Circa 1991, MTV played the weirdest shit at that hour. That was when I saw my first Tori Amos video. I believe it was "Silent All These Years." And I've loved her ever since. I would actually sit there writing essays, hoping that the video would come on. Years later, after seeing her in concert a bunch of times and listening to subsequent releases, this is still my favorite. I sometimes feel that she actually got worse over time.
1. The Pixies - Doolittle
Best tracks: "Debaser," "Wave of Mutilation," "Hey," "Monkey Gone to Heaven"
Favorite lyrics: "If the ground's not cold everything is gonna burn, we'll all take turns, I'll get mine too"
This is my everything CD. I listen to it when I'm nervous, especially when I'm throwing parties. I play it when I know I'm going to be in an uncomfortable situation. I play it when I'm happy. I play it when I need a boost. I play it when I lay out in the sun. I originally bought this on tape the weekend my grandmother died. Maybe that has something to do with it. All I know is that it's always been my favorite. And nothing has ever really rivaled it.
Honorable mention goes to:
Me First and Gimme Gimmes - Have a Ball
Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill
Live - Throwing Copper
Flyleaf - Self titled
Moxy Fruvous - Bargainville
Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians - Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars
Social Distortion - Self titled
Anthrax - Attack of the Killer B's
Barenaked Ladies - Rock Spectacle
Ned's Atomic Dustbin - God Fodder
Singles - Soundtrack
Pearl Jam - Ten
Thin Lizzy - Peel Sessions
Counting them down...
10. Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree
Best Tracks: "Dance, Dance," "Sugar We're Going Down," "A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me.'"
Favorite lyrics: "I don't blame you for being you but can you blame me for hating it?"
This is the most recent on the list. Am I too old to like Fall Out Boy? Am I uncool for this since they're now "way too mainstream" according to all those little emo brats? I will hand it to this whole emo revolution (and yes, I say revolution because if you look at the music surrounding historical periods of war, you'll notice vast changes in musical tastes and popularity...in the 60's we saw the rise of folk rock...shortly after the Gulf War of the 90's we saw grunge, etc. etc.), we're getting the best heart wrenching lyrics out of these pussy boys. Every time I listen to this CD I discover new lyrics. And the tunes are pretty catchy as well.
9. Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting
Best tracks: title track, "Caroline," "Lullaby," "Tomorrow," "Wendy"
Favorite lyrics: "I've got the ways and means to New Orleans, I'm going down by the river where it's warm and green, I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I've got a lot to think about"
Most people probably know the song "Joey" on this CD, but there is a lot more on it. And quite frankly, that might be the worst song on here. I used to sit in my basement and sing along to this for hours. And I was amazed to find it on the juke box at my favorite bar recently. You always know when I'm there because I'm usually playing something from this CD.
8. Judybats - Down in the Shacks Where the Satellite Dishes Grow
Best tracks: "Our Story," "How it Is," "Lullaby (Weren't We Wild)," "When Things Get Slow Around Here"
Favorite lyrics: "Good love is easy to find, but it's hard to keep, and though I hate it when you wake, I still love to watch you sleep"
It was hard to pick a favorite Judy Bats CD because I love them all. Although, I've probably played "Native Son" more than any CD I own and "Pain Makes You Beautiful" is usually my comfort CD. I listen to that one on my way to uncomfortable places like job interviews and the gynecologist. This CD is just fun. I remember being so excited when it came out. Every now and then another Judy Bats fan surfaces. But they seem to be few and far between.
7. Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
Best tracks: "Don't Look Back in Anger," "Champagne Supernova," "Wonderwall"
Favorite lyrics: "Take me to the place where you go, where nobody knows, if it's night or day"
Also known as the "What the fuck did I do last night?" CD because, when I first turned 21, I would come home and play this all night as I fell asleep. And yes, I realize that I'm choosing the more popular songs as favorites here. But this is probably one of the few instances where I will keep an overplayed song on the radio if I hear it. I think that's the true test of a CD that I could never get sick of. I fully recognize the songs are overdone, yet I still like them. That rarely happens.
6. The Rolling Stones - Some Girls
Best Tracks: "Before They Make Me Run," "Far Away Eyes," "Just My Imagination," "Respectable"
Favorite lyrics: "I wasn't looking too good but I was feeling real well"
I'll admit this is not the best Rolling Stones CD, but it's the only one that I can honestly say I like every single track. The other CD's have those typical warhorses on them ("Jumpin' Jack Flash," "Start Me Up," etc.). I also love Ron Wood. And they put out very few good CDs with him.
5. Counting Crows - August and Everything After
Best tracks: "Anna Begins," "Murder of One," "Round Here," "Raining in Baltimore"
Favorite lyrics: "And every time she sneezes I believe it's love and oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing"
This is more of a sentimental favorite than anything. I bucked the CD trend for years because I only had a tape player in my car. This was the first CD I bought. And I still play it a lot when I'm writing or when I was doing homework.
4. The Wallflowers - Bringing Down the Horse
Best tracks: "Laughing Out Loud," "God Don't Make Lonely Girls," "The Difference," "One Headlight," "6th Avenue Heartache"
Favorite lyrics: "It smells of cheap wine and cigarettes, this place is always such a mess, sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn"
Again, I know I'm picking the more popular songs on the CD, but it all goes back to the same drunken time period. I remember dancing to this with my sister at the Citz on a Sunday night. There are also a lot of great lyrics on this one to choose from. And I also remember back in college whenever we'd see the video to "One Headlight," Taco and I would point at the TV and say, "I'd fuck that." Years later, I met Jakob Dylan outside of the TLA in Philly. It totally ruined everything for me. His skin seemed a little yellow. He was all bundled up. His eyes were gorgeous, but in no way rivaled G Love's.
3. Mike Doughty - Skittish/Rockity Roll
Best Tracks: "Rising Sign," "The Only Answer," "Looks," "Down on the River by the Sugar Plant"
Favorite Lyrics: "You were the only answer, my plans spun all around you, five years in the wrong I am assured, my name to you is just another word"
I'm cheating. I own this CD as two separate CDs. I bought them long before they were released as one and Mike even signed my copy of Skittish when I saw him in Seattle. I made an ass out of myself by asking him about his cover of Mary J Blidge's "Real Love," mentioning that was the main reason why I was buying the CD. But, I'm nothing if not honest. This stuff sounds different from the typical Soul Coughing stuff, but similar enough to still be enjoyable. The guy went through some hard times, but cleaned up his act. And he's ok to talk to at his shows. He's actually not a dick.
2. Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes
Best tracks: "Mother," "China," "Precious Things," "Happy Phantom," "Leather"
Favorite lyrics: "I walked into your dream and now I've forgotten how to dream my own dream, you are a clever one aren't you?"
Even in high school I suffered from insomnia. I used to take naps after school and then sit in my living room and do homework at 3 AM. Circa 1991, MTV played the weirdest shit at that hour. That was when I saw my first Tori Amos video. I believe it was "Silent All These Years." And I've loved her ever since. I would actually sit there writing essays, hoping that the video would come on. Years later, after seeing her in concert a bunch of times and listening to subsequent releases, this is still my favorite. I sometimes feel that she actually got worse over time.
1. The Pixies - Doolittle
Best tracks: "Debaser," "Wave of Mutilation," "Hey," "Monkey Gone to Heaven"
Favorite lyrics: "If the ground's not cold everything is gonna burn, we'll all take turns, I'll get mine too"
This is my everything CD. I listen to it when I'm nervous, especially when I'm throwing parties. I play it when I know I'm going to be in an uncomfortable situation. I play it when I'm happy. I play it when I need a boost. I play it when I lay out in the sun. I originally bought this on tape the weekend my grandmother died. Maybe that has something to do with it. All I know is that it's always been my favorite. And nothing has ever really rivaled it.
Honorable mention goes to:
Me First and Gimme Gimmes - Have a Ball
Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill
Live - Throwing Copper
Flyleaf - Self titled
Moxy Fruvous - Bargainville
Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians - Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars
Social Distortion - Self titled
Anthrax - Attack of the Killer B's
Barenaked Ladies - Rock Spectacle
Ned's Atomic Dustbin - God Fodder
Singles - Soundtrack
Pearl Jam - Ten
Thin Lizzy - Peel Sessions
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