How to recognize them: They invite you to their dog’s birthday party or some other inane event and expect you to attend (with a gift or a dish, because after all, that’s just good manners). If you decline, they guilt trip you. And when it’s your cat’s birthday, suddenly they’re all allergic and shit. Or they have to go fishing.
Frequently heard saying: “Sorry I can’t come to your banquet. I have a pedicure scheduled that afternoon. But congrats on winning the Nobel Peace Prize! You’re still coming to my Longaberger Basket party, right? Can you bake a batch of those cookies I really like and bring them? The ones you make at Christmas time from scratch?”
Why they bug: I take the time to put your boring ass event on my calendar, sometimes turning down or even cancelling other plans. I sometimes have to find a sitter in order to attend. I go out of my way. But I don’t get the same from you. I'm not even sure if you know that I've had a child. You've never bothered to come see her. But the puppies your dog had last week are super cute!
Their retort: “No one asked you to get a sitter. Just bring the baby along. I don’t understand why she cries whenever I hold her, though.”
My response: It’s called stranger anxiety. She doesn’t know you because you don’t make an effort. And I no longer feel bad about it. You’re the one missing out.
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