I judge you because...

You’re a Republican. As soon as I learn someone is a Republican, I immediately assume they’re a heartless idiot. Many people are so uninformed on the issues, think they’re richer than they really are and hide behind their political party as a means to be racist bigots. The most recent healthcare bill is a good example. I’ve heard one too many thinly veiled “I don’t want to help black people because I think they’re lazy” statements this week. Like there are no white people who don’t have health care, or may I go so far as to say collect welfare (Gasp!). You know what, you dumb shits? You’re paying for people without healthcare anyway. You see, they go to hospitals where treatment can’t be refused. Then they skip out on the bill. Now the hospital has to raise their rates and they’re charging your insurance company, who in turn, charges you a higher rate. See? It’s like shoplifting. They have to cover their costs somehow so they charge the paying customers. So whether this is coming out of your left pocket through taxes or your right pocket through premiums, you’re still paying for it. Most people on welfare qualify for Medicaid, which we’ve been paying for all along anyway. And if you’re one of those “I don’t like it so I’m going to move to another country” people (I’m looking at you, Rush Limbaugh, please follow through), please tell me where you are going. I’d love to know what other government out there is not involved in their country’s healthcare. I can go on with other examples but this is today’s gripe.

You’re a grown man with long hair. What exactly do you do for a living? Where do you work that this passes for professional? Grow up. It doesn’t look “cool” or “rock and roll.” Unless you are an actual rock star, it looks pathetic. And it shows that you have issues with letting go and change. I have a friend who finds long hair so incredibly hot. I just don’t get it. I think it looks dirty and gross.

You wear your religion on your sleeve and take the bible literally. Look, not everyone believes in the bible. I may venture to say that there are some that believe it’s a remarkable work of fiction. So quoting from it as a way to tell me how to live my life is not going to sway me. The Bible is not a history book. I also find that many mental patients are highly religious. Trying to calculate the dimensions of the ark is giant waste of time. You realize that some animals eat other animals, right? Have you ever seen Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom? Imagine every episode of that ever times 20 and that’s what that ark would look like. And how did Noah get all the bugs to agree to this? Did he put them in jars? You know they didn’t have jars back then, right? The bible has many other gems about stoning and slavery. Hell, eating shellfish is an abomination. Do you give up lobster and shrimp? And damn it! Leviticus 19:27 says something about men not cutting their hair. I guess that’s just another reason for me to not like long haired men.

You go to New York City and eat at the Olive Garden. Did you know that there are enough restaurants in New York City that you can eat at a different restaurant every day of your life and not go to the same one twice? Not to mention some go out of business and new ones open every day. So why on Earth would you go to the fucking Olive Garden where the food is just pre-made and reheated in the back? I’m not completely against eating at a chain on vacation. I do it all the time, visiting places like Jack In The Box or White Castle, places that are not available locally. Where the fuck do you live where you can’t find a goddamned Olive Garden nearby? I think these people are missing out on great experiences and really hurting mom and pop businesses by not giving them a try. Try broadening your mind with a new experience.

You’re a LARP (Live Action Role Player) or you play World of Warcraft. Sorry. I just don’t get all the elves and fairies crap. Hell, I can’t even sit through Lord of the Rings. And you have all these silly rules and uniform costumes. Not only is it boring, it’s just plain silly. I also think it’s another example of nonconformists conforming. You really do need to belong somewhere so you create your own fantasy world. Or you’re using it as an escape from reality. You can’t avoid the real world for too long and this kind of distraction will only send you crashing down. Yes, the real world is a scary place. Yes, it does suck sometimes. But you have to keep going. It has it’s good moments, too. You just sometimes have to work for them.